Feeling stuck, down, depressed, poor,
unlucky, or maybe even angry. They're
all byproducts of the lack of control.
You don't feel in control of your life
because you're not. Other people are
choosing for you, and their choice is
not serving you. How did you end up a
passenger in your own life? Well, the
bad news is you're not alone. Most men
live lives of quiet desperation, and
deep down you're scared it won't get any
better. The truth is, it won't unless
you get better. The good news, this
video is your best bet at fixing it, and
you found it at the right time in your
life. Here are 15 real steps to reclaim
your life. Welcome to Alux, the place
where future billionaires come to get
inspired. Now, there are three phases to
reclaiming your life based on scientific
journals and behavioral therapists. Each
requires exactly five steps. You're
getting 20 years of neuroscience therapy
and executive coaching in 29 minutes.
So, let's go. Phase one, stop the
bleeding because you can't fill a bucket
with holes in it. So, step one here is
to find the lie you keep telling
yourself. Every man carries with him a
small library of explanations for why
his life turned out like it did. Your
life isn't broken because of what's
missing. No, it's broken because of
what's already there quietly draining
you. It all sits on a lie. The lie
sounds like fact. I missed my window.
I'm not that kind of guy. It's too late.
I have responsibilities now. The problem
is you believed it. People often rewrite
their beliefs to match their behavior.
Sorry to say it, but your life is the
outcome of your decisions. Yes, some
people had it better than you did, but
you had it better than others. At some
point, this whole blame it on the
parents, blame it on the country, blame
it on the whatever the cool thing is to
bash right now. It gets old. Wake up and
act your age. You said you'll do
something and you didn't. You chose
comfort and security over risk and
reward. So, find your lie because you
can't escape a lie you won't name. Then
stop saying yes to anything new until
you figure out what you want your life
to be. No new commitments, no new
projects, no new relationships, not
until you figure out what you actually
want your life to be. Stop drilling new
holes in the bucket that's already
leaking. Be truthful about the cost.
What has this drifting actually taken
from you? Count the years. Count the
money. Count the versions of yourself
that didn't get built because you were
too busy performing this one and you
don't even like it very much. Saying no
will feel good. You're taking control
back from them. Now, let's make you
better. Step two, exhaust the body. Feed
the body. Sleep the body. Emotions are
chemicals bouncing in your brain. You
cannot outthink a nervous system that's
in fight or flight all the time. So,
here's how you stop feeling like
Exhaust your body physically. Make
yourself tired. Make your body sore.
Some will hop on a bike. Some hit the
gym. Some go swimming. Some build a
shed. Physical exhaustion triggers your
body's fix it mode. Then eat some real
food. Colorful vegetables, fruits,
protein, water. Nothing that comes in a
bag. Nothing that you smoke, vape, or
deep fry. It takes 72 hours for the body
to reboot and start cleaning itself.
You're physically, pleasantly tired.
Your body has nutrients. You'll sleep
like a god. 2 weeks into this and you'll
literally feel like a different human
being. Your emotions stabilize. You're
up to 300% sharper and the path forward
becomes clearer. Everyone who reclaimed
their life had a moment where they fixed
their body first. Believe it or not,
your old body leads to bad decisions.
All right, now let's help you make even
better ones. And we guess you're not
going to like this one, but step three,
disconnect from social media, porn, and
a meaningless content. Because look,
your mind is being slowly poisoned by
the thing in your hand right now. We
said what we said and we stand by it.
Social media makes you think you're
less. It makes you think you should be
somewhere else than you are. Every study
on human behavior shows that
romanticizing your existing life is what
makes someone happy. With every scroll,
you're killing your brain cells. That's
why you're watching this, but you still
feel like you need to scroll and do
other things at the same time. Short
form content is a mind virus, killing
attention and your ability to focus.
It's not rest, it's erosion. Delete Tik
Tok right now. Delete Instagram right
now. Delete the dating apps. You cannot
heal in the same environment that made
you sick. Porn inhibits your ability to
find pleasure in anything else. That's
why your recent search history is so
freaking weird. That's why you're
drifting apart from your partner or
failed to get into a relationship in the
first place. You can reinstall the apps
anytime, but not until you know who you
are without them. Stop for a few days
and watch your body pull out the phone
or tell you to jerk off without being
prompted. You'll hate the first 10 days
because despite what you tell yourself,
you are addicted, but you'll feel
slightly human again on like day 20.
This is like a shower for your brain.
All right, now let's pull out the last
few weeds. Step four, tell your circle
you're unavailable. You're working on
yourself. Now, the people closest to you
are going to fight this harder than you
would expect. They aren't bad people.
No, they've just built the relationship
with you around the version you're
trying to leave behind. the jokes, the
group role, the friend who's always up
for drinks, the one who sacrifices
themselves for their profit. Of course,
they don't want that to stop. They'll
disguise insults as jokes, then guilt
you and sometimes hit you with the
classic, "You've changed" said in that
tone that makes it sound like a disease.
Good. It's actually a compliment. It
means it's working. The people who
benefit from the way you are will resist
the way you're becoming. We want you to
stop performing for an audience that was
keeping you captive. Don't reach out
proactively. When they reach out, just
say, "I can't. I'm taking some time to
work on myself. I'll be less available
for the next couple of months." No
explanations, no apologies, no
overpromising when you'll be back. Then
actually be less available. Stop
performing for an audience that's not
paying you. Yes, we're asking you to be
selfish because the alternative is
misery. The quiet feels strange at
first, but for the first time, you'll
feel like you can breathe, that you've
got room to grow and see who you want to
become. And as a heads up, some people
will never come back into your life.
They're the ones who were only there for
their own benefit. When the benefits
ended, so did the relationship. The real
ones, though, they'll be excited for
what's next, and so will you. Step five,
build a financial buffer while you
learn. Now, this is the runway that
allows you to take off. Broke men make
broke decisions. When rent is due in 11
days and you don't have it, the part of
your brain that handles long-term
strategy literally shuts down. You
physically cannot plan your future from
inside a money emergency. Survival
always comes before growth. Your problem
is you've been stuck in survival for too
damn long. The easiest way to build the
buffer is to stop spending and putting
the money aside. Not in crypto, not in
the market. Cash just sitting there.
Money is power because sitting on cash
gives you the power to say no. They
don't get to abuse you. You don't bow
your head just because you need to get
through. Did you know that most people
never experience what $5,000 just
sitting there does to your life? It
might not be f you money, but it's I'm
not your money. Looking at that
money, you feel like you've got options,
and you think about what you could do
with it. So, study the people doing what
you want to do. Take notes. Education is
free. Subscribing to channels like ours
is free and valuable. But don't invest a
single dollar, take a single risk, or
make a single big swing until that
buffer exists. You're still a newbie,
and that's okay. Everyone starts at the
bottom. For the first time, it clicks.
You're not behind. You are exactly where
the version of you who made your past
decisions ended up. And for the first
time, you can see that you are capable
of making different choices. Different
decisions, different outcomes. Same
decisions, the same outcomes. If only
you knew it was so easy from the
beginning. With the identity shifting
and the runway built, it's time to do
something crazy. Phase two, rebuild the
operating system toward the first win.
The old you never thought it would be
possible for someone like you, but
that's exactly what will make your TED
talk worth watching. Step six, find
someone who lives the life you want and
copy one thing. You don't need a guru,
okay? You need a pattern. Somewhere in
the world right now, someone alive today
is living the version of the life you
want. Not all of it, but enough of it
that they've already proven it's
possible. Find them. Not their
Instagram, their actual life. Stalk the
hell out of them. Respectfully speaking.
Read their books. Watch their
interviews. But do it the smart way.
Find out what they were doing in the
beginning, not what they're doing at the
end. That's where the gold is. Study the
boring parts. The public version is
useless. Most people try to copy the
outcome instead of the input. Don't copy
their life. No. Install one of their
habits that allowed them to live that
kind of life. Watch it serve you well.
Then find someone new who has something
that you like and borrow that trait.
That's how becoming someone new actually
works. It's not a fashion makeover like
in the movies. Instead, it's more like
you quietly piecing together a mosaic of
traits that you like in others. That is
how you architect a new you. The great
part is you start seeing the world how
they see it. You start living like them
and before you know it, reality
responds. Your life changes in 15minute
shifts in the morning that allow the day
to unfold differently. If you want a
companion, go to alux.com/app and start
the 7-day free trial. Tens of thousands
of people start their days off with an
Alux coaching session. They last about
10 minutes while you drink your coffee.
It's free to download. So for 7 days,
you get some free knowledge that others
are paying for. I'll see you on the
inside. But in the meantime, step seven,
do bad work daily, preferably in
private. Look, literally everyone is
cringe. In the beginning, it goes
scared, cringe, newbie, amateur,
average, decent, good, great, pro, then
master. You're not special. Everyone
goes through the same phases. Your path
is the same, but some parts will come
easier to you than others. So, pick the
thing you're going to get good at.
Writing, video, sales, coding, design,
speaking, whatever the new version of
you requires. Every other part needs to
be just good enough. Working to some
extent. We know you're scared, okay? We
know you're bad at it, but do it scared.
Do it poorly every day where nobody can
see you. The first 100 attempts will be
the cost of admission. You're paying the
price of entry here. You do it 100 times
every time just to get a little bit
better than before. Learn a few tweaks.
Watch a few tutorials. The wealthy
figured this out early. If you do
something for long enough, you
eventually get good at it. Eventually,
you get one you're proud of. Talent
didn't show up. You just did the volume
that 99% of people refuse to do. So,
you're getting better than them. You'll
know you're doing it right when you can
tell you were bad at it in the
beginning. Let us break down a little
secret for you. It takes 20 times to no
longer be a newbie at something. It
takes 100 times to get okay at
something. It takes 1,000 times to
become a professional at something. This
means you can do it for a living. Most
people overestimate talent and
underestimate repetition. Hard work
beats talent when talent doesn't work
hard enough. So look at this thing you
started doing. What if this was it? What
if this was your ticket? That's the next
step. Step eight, envision the new life.
Believe it. Fake it until it's real.
Because your brain cannot tell the
difference between something you've
vividly imagined and something you've
actually lived. That's why delusional
people do better in life. It has more to
do with neurology than manifestation.
Olympic athletes use it. Special forces
use it. Every high performer you've seen
uses it because it's actually a reliable
documented mental edge. Yep, vision
boards work and they're free. So, use
it. Picture your life in specifics.
Where do you live? What does it feel
like to wake up? What do you do for
work? What are your relationships like?
What does your body look like? How do
you spend your day? What do you see when
you look out the window? How much do you
earn? Who do you sleep next to at night?
Try to play it out like a movie in your
head. Indulge us, okay? Even if you
think it's Your brain will not
build what it cannot clearly see. Now,
pretend you are that person. Act it out.
Give your alter ego a name that only you
know. And now embody them in the real
world to see what happens. You'll feel
like a fraud in the beginning, but
that's the point. That's the exact
feeling of an identity changing.
Nobody's ever installed a new operating
system without a few days of thinking,
"This isn't me." The old you fights back
hardest in week two because you haven't
broken in the new shoes. But by the end
of the month, you realize you like the
new you a lot more than you expected.
Whenever you get the chance, compare
what the old you versus the new you
would do in that situation. And just
getting to this point took a lot of
effort and overcoming some serious
self-doubt. So, now let's focus all of
it on one thing. Step nine, pick a
target, set a deadline, and act like
it's life or death.
One target, 90 days. Small enough to be
possible, big enough that finishing it
would prove something. The first 10k
saved, the body fat number hit, the
course completed, the first client
landed, the book written, the
certification earned. One, the deadline
is not flexible. The deadline is the
entire point. Artificial urgency is
something all top performers use because
it forces both the body and mind to lock
in. There's a switch inside each one of
us that you've probably never flipped
until now. It puts you in beast mode.
You behave as if your life depends on
hitting it because in a way it does. The
life of the new man depends on him
finishing the last thing he set out to
finish. We guarantee that you'll feel it
in your body. You'll find motivation
where you didn't know you had it. You'll
block everything away because you're
actually doing it and making measurable
progress. As you go, the momentum builds
up. You're waking up excited to do this
because for the first time in your adult
freaking life, you've become a man of
purpose. And that purpose is serving you
and nobody else. For once, you want to
do right by yourself. A man who keeps
one promise to himself can keep the next
10. A man who breaks the first one will
break them all. It's time to define what
kind of man you want to be. People don't
know what's happening with you, but you
tell them you'll let them know soon
enough.
Step 10. Go public only with the
outcome, not the intent. Do you know
Bob? Come on, you got to know Bob. Bob,
you know Bob? He's been starting a
business for like six years. Bob, who
told everybody about the book they're
writing, but nobody's ever seen a single
page. Bob, who was moving to Dubai, or
was it Bali? But he still pays rent in a
shitty apartment. Screw Bob. Don't be
Bob. Okay. Announcing your intent spends
the currency you need to finish. The
moment you tell people what you're
doing, your brain gives you the dopamine
reward as if you've already done it. You
feel accomplished. You feel seen when
there's no reason to be. Most people are
addicted to the dopamine of what I'll
do, but never actually do anything.
That's why they're losers, because they
lose against the things they say they'll
do. They want the applause without the
work. Old you was guilty of this, but
not the new you. So, shut the f up,
okay? Move in silence until the outcome
tell no one. Then pop up casually like,
"Oh yeah, I did that." The important
part is doing this on your own without
their input, without their support,
advice, doubts, cheers, or opinions.
Don't let them take any credit for
something you worked so hard to build.
The more you change and grow, the harder
it'll be to talk about what you're going
through. You end up being more
comfortable talking to peers that are
strangers than ones who are close to
you. You need a network of people who
don't have stakes in your journey to not
be biased. That's why it was important
to add a network to our app. No matter
how big or small this win was, you've
achieved it. You've made real progress
and you should feel proud of yourself.
Some of your old life will resent you
for it. And that's when you know it's
time to change.
Phase three, burn the old world and
absorb the new. This is the in between,
the hardest phase of the three. Step 11.
Put yourself in new rooms. Don't
introduce the old you. The fastest way
to become someone new is to go somewhere
they've never met the old you. New gyms,
new co-working spaces, new networking
events, new passions, new groups, new
cities if you can swing it. No history,
no backstory, no inside jokes that
remind you of who you used to be. When
they ask you who you are, use the
present tense. I'm a writer. I'm an
investor. I run a company. I work in AI.
I built the thing you did at step 10.
You're not lying. This is who you are
now. Who you used to be is not relevant
anymore. Most people overshare. They
lead with their damage. They
contextualize because they want others
to feel sorry for them. It was the only
way they could get attention. The new
rooms don't need or care about that.
They need the current version. Every new
room that sees only the new you adds
weight to your new identity. After
enough rooms, enough introductions,
enough nights where the new story is the
only story people know, the old one
starts to feel like somebody else's
life. Because it basically is. Being in
those rooms, you see how these people
move. Their traits rub off on you. It's
social contagion. Remember how they say
you are the average of the five people
you spend most of your time with? Well,
weaponize that to your benefit. Your new
world view starts to cement. You see a
path forward. All you need is a guide.
Step 12. Find a mentor, coach, or a
therapist who's walked the path. Now,
some of you are at this stage right now.
The thing you're missing above
everything else is clarity. Someone to
point you in the right direction and
tell you that if you follow this path,
you're going to be fine. It's dumb to do
this alone. Okay? The chances of success
drop by 80%. It'll take you five or 10
times as long and cost at least four
times the money. Not a weakness issue,
an efficiency issue. Doing it alone is
slower, more expensive, and more painful
than paying somebody who's already
walked it. Free advice from friends is
exactly what got you here. Okay, so pay
for the truth. The fastest path to life
you want is paid access to somebody
already living it. A mentor for the
work, a coach for the performance, a
therapist for the wounds you might have
been dragging behind you for 30 years
that are quietly running half your
decisions. You may need all three. You
probably need at least two. So, find a
mentor in the rooms you were in earlier
or ask for a recommendation. From
experience, we can tell you they'll play
hard to get, but as with dating, the
third time's a charm. The ROI for paying
for coaching and mentorship is 7x on
average in the medium to long term. The
resistance is always identical. Too
expensive. I can figure it out myself.
Once I've got more money, then I'll get
some help. The cost of the right mentor
is the cheapest expense in your entire
rebuild. The cost of not having one is
the most expensive thing you will ever
skip. Run the math. Every year you delay
paying for guidance is a year you pay a
much higher tax doing it wrong alone and
on repeat. You've got a good thing going
on, but you don't know what you're
supposed to do. Or more precisely, what
moves minimize risk and increase the
likelihood of success. If you want the
exact framework of how hundreds of
Aluxers like yourself moved countries,
quit jobs, and reinvented themselves, go
to alux.com/reinvent
and use the promo code reclaim for $200
off. With the future pretty much on the
horizon, it's time to drop the things
holding you back. Step 13. Cut ties.
You're not going back. You cannot heal
in the same environment that wounded
you. The soil isn't fertile for your
kind of seed. As for your loved ones, a
sinking ship can save no one. So, you
have to save yourself. And once you get
in a good enough place, you bring over
the people who add to your life. There
are four things to cut. and they
escalate. First of all, quit the old
job, the one you've been complaining
about for years. You have your buffer
from step five. You have a skill that
you can monetize. So, bet on yourself
for 12 months. Second, wish your friends
well. The ones who are stuck in the old
life without the desire to change. Some
friendships were built on shared misery.
They cannot survive growth. Three, cut
toxic family if that's what it takes.
They have an extreme impact on your
emotional well-being. You don't have to
parent your parents and you are not the
parent of your siblings. Put as much
distance in as you need. And four, move
geographies. Somewhere your nervous
system gets to start over and focus on
building themselves. For some, a new
street is enough. For others, they need
to be in a completely different climate
close to the ocean. Entire cities are
full of people ready to meet the new
version of you. Your current city is
full of people quietly invested in
keeping you the same. Although you'll
think about this as temporary, once you
see the positive effects, it'll become
permanent by design. But part of you
will feel guilty. So step 14 is to make
peace with what it cost you or you'll
carry it with you forever. No real
transformation is ever free. Most people
never start this process because they
can't stomach what it costs. The cost of
reclaiming your life is high. The cost
of not reclaiming it is the rest of your
freaking life lived in misery. So make
peace with the price. Grieve the
friendships that couldn't come with you.
Grieve the decade you spent in denial.
Grieve the younger you who should have
done this 5 years earlier. Sit with it.
Let it move through. Because grief faced
honestly passes. Grief that's been
avoided follows you into the new life
and quietly burns it down from the
inside. The cost was real and the cost
was worth it. Both can be true. So hold
them both and then keep on moving. There
comes a moment, usually quiet, usually
alone, when you have to make peace with
the version of you who got it wrong.
Forgive him. He didn't have what you
have now. He was doing his best with the
tools he had. If you're not there yet,
there will be a point in the future
where you'll look back on who you are
right now and see it as an inflection
point. Give yourself a pat on the back
if you got here. As the new life settles
in, it's time for the final step that
you will deploy for the rest of your
life. Step 15. Live on your own terms.
The thing is you will either live on
your own terms or somebody else's. There
is no third option. Step 15 is the end
state. Not rich, not famous, not
impressive, free. Living on your own
terms is the highest possible return on
a rebuilt life. Free to wake up when
your body is ready. Free to work on
things that actually matter to you.
Nobody tells you when to show up, what
to wear, or how to talk. You can say no
to anything that doesn't align with you
without explaining. You're out with your
kids eating ice cream at 2 p.m. on a
Tuesday. Free to design your time, your
relationships, your environment, and
your finances around who you actually
are, not who you've been pretending to
be. Free to change if you want to. Most
people will die never experiencing this.
They might brush against it momentarily,
but never be engulfed by the level of
freedom you're pursuing. They'll spend
40 years in lives they didn't design,
surrounded by people they didn't choose,
doing work that doesn't matter to them
just to get to a retirement that arrives
too late to enjoy. No, you are
different. The person you became through
the previous 14 steps gets to decide.
Nobody else votes. This is what every
step was for. Phase one cleared the
noise so you could hear yourself. Phase
two built the proof so you could trust
yourself and make better decisions.
Phase three burned the old world down so
you could finally live as yourself.
Living on your terms is not a feeling.
It's a structure. A calendar, a bank
account, a circle, a home, a body, a
mind, a family. All of it designed by
the person you became for the person you
are now. If you're one of the lucky ones
who get this, protect it and don't let
it slip. You found this video for a
reason. So, we want to challenge you.
What's the first step to your new life?
Let us know in the comments. And this
wouldn't be a Sunday motivational video
without a secret bonus. So, today's
bonus, the second time, takes only 90
days and not 9 years. Look, most people
who reclaim their lives do it more than
once. Not from failure, but from life
coming in chapters. The marriage ends,
the business collapse, the health scare
hits, the city that worked in your 30s
stops working in your 50s. The identity
you rebuilt once eventually outgrows
itself, or simply life happens. So save
this video, or at least write down these
steps, because the second reclaim takes
only 90 days, not 9 years. The first one
takes so damn long because you spend 80%
of that time in denial, distraction, and
avoidance before you ever reach step
one. Then you're learning the protocol
while trying to execute it at the same
time. Then you're secondguessing every
move because you've never seen it work
before. And the second time, none of
that happens. Muscle memory kicks in.
You recognize the drift the week it
starts. You name that lie on day three.
You fix the body in two weeks. You cut
ties in week nine. You're in the new
rooms with a new story by month three.
Nine years compressed into 90 days
because you already know the map and you
know you can do it. So, here's a golden
nugget for you. You can have only what
you are. Sit with that for a minute. We
really hope that most of you won't need
to reclaim life more than once, but if
you do, know that you have this in your
corner. Remember why you do this in the
first place. You want to be free. Don't
lose sight of that along the way. If you
optimize for freedom, use the word free
in the answer to the question. Best of
luck in your journey and please email us
when you arrive at your destination. All
right, that's a wrap for today. We'll
see you back here next time. Until then,
take care, Alexer.