That bag of coke at the White House
wasn't yours? No. Okay,
how how upset were you that someone else
did this?
>> Okay, I've I've literally I've listened
to all of you. I've listened to you have
your guest on and you're all like, I
don't know. I don't know, it could have
been his, but I guess not.
>> Whose was Whose do you think it was? Cuz
it's [ __ ] someone's.
>> I have no clue. So
hey, who's the Hitler? Pull up a diagram
of the
of the White House, okay?
>> Let's see. Diagram of White House. You
going to place the the bag of cocaine?
>> How big was the sack? How big are we
talking?
>> no idea. April, I mean they didn't come
to me and say, "Hunter, we want to show
you this."
>> [laughter]
>> Well, you could have
>> Hunter, Hunter, come here.
>> We're away that you might be able to
trace where this came from. Here we go.
>> Okay. So, if you look at the Okay, so
you see there See where it says White
House in the middle? Okay. So, the West
Wing is where the Oval Office is.
The White House is where the residence
is.
I am under Secret Service protection
during this period of time. When I enter
the White House, I enter off of the
South Lawn, which is the big ellipses.
You know what I mean? Like the the
circular driveway on on the on the
southern part, okay? So, you enter the
White House through the um
>> Middle man?
>> What?
>> Through the middle?
>> Right right to the middle. And right as
you go through the middle, you go to an
elevator and you go up to the residence,
okay?
That is how the Secret Service brings me
in and they and they're with me like as
far as you are from me everywhere I go
outside of making it to the elevator to
that um
to go up to the second floor to the
>> But not the bathroom. If you want to do
key bumps, you can go in the bathroom.
Other than the bathroom, yeah, okay.
>> True enough, but thank you for pointing
that out. That was very helpful.
[ __ ] I swear to god.
>> Where was it found? Where was it?
>> now now, okay. No, yeah. So, see where
it says West Exec Ave?
>> Yep.
>> Okay, so that's where everybody else
that is a part of the administration
comes into the White House. So, the
Eisenhower Executive Office Building is
where 90% of the people that say they
work at the White House work, okay? And
when they come over to for meetings with
the chief of staff or the director of
national intelligence or whoever else is
in the West Wing, they come through
there. And when you go through there,
you enter in on the ground floor. Above
you is the chief of staff's office and
the Oval Office, okay? And on that
ground floor, as soon as you walk in,
there's a desk. There's another Secret
Service agent, a uniform Secret Service
agent. And if you go on the other side
of that desk and take a right, there's a
hallway. And that end of that hallway
is the situation room.
>> Of which I've never been in. Because you
not allowed in the [ __ ] situation
room unless you have top secret
clearance.
>> Hey, dude, the [ __ ] president the the
president's son doesn't get to hang in
the situation room.
>> in that right in front of that door is a
set of cubbies, okay? And the only
reason I know that is it because if you
go to your left, there's a little
cafeteria like not even, it's like table
set up for like the chief of staff and
their offices to come have like a bowl
of soup or whatever to to eat.
>> [sighs and gasps]
>> The in the in those cubbies
is where they found it. And supposedly
found a little bag of cocaine.
>> Bowl of soup.
>> Number one, I'm not joking around, okay?
And I don't know how much of it is what.
>> be like, I do fat sacks only.
>> Yeah, by the way, not only that, is I
smoke crack.
>> Dude, here's the question.
>> crack.
>> I'll say this though.
>> But by the way, I'm now at this point,
I'm not in the White House yet when it's
found. I haven't been in the White House
for 6 weeks to a month when it's found.
All right?
>> Although this this does sound like the
part of the movie where we're like, you
know, we have the diagram. Sounds like
we're planning on how we could get
cocaine in the White House.
>> You know, they go through like the ducts
in the movie.
>> [laughter]
>> Oh, it's the duct tape, man.
>> YOU KNOW WHAT? THAT'S WHY you went to
Sally's and I went to Archmere, okay?
[laughter]
Exactly.
>> Rivals forever.
>> Yes, exactly.
>> There's a duct on the south lawn. You
open it up, there's cocaine.
>> [laughter]
>> This is never GOING TO DIE. OKAY, I
DON'T By the way, here's the other
thing.
>> think it was yours. I didn't
>> No, but here's the other thing. It's
like, are you [ __ ] kidding me?
I will I'll openly talk about having sex
on camera with a prostitute in New
Haven, Connecticut at off of I-95
smoking up
crack, but
>> Like I like a
>> Looking at the bag of drugs in the back
of the
>> It is so funny just to
>> it's so ridiculous. The confession is
what drives me insane. Now, look. That's
like You want to talk about things that
online that you can say You have your
friendship with Peter Thiel to deal
with.
>> [laughter]
>> THAT'S RIGHT.
>> HEY, GOT HIM AGAIN.
>> YOU HAD TO SEE THAT. It'd be like,
"Fucking great."
>> Yeah.
>> Great. This is the last thing I do.
>> You know what? I literally This is how
obtuse I am. I was like,
>> Oh, that's weird.
>> [laughter]
>> Kind of went about my day. I was I was
what? Four or five years sober by that
point?
>> I have like
>> I have like And by the way, like I'm
thinking like, who like if I relapse No
here's the other thing.
>> I'm going to do it for
>> I'm being drug tested, but you know who
I'm being drug tested by? The Federal
Bureau of [ __ ] Probation who's
[ __ ] showing up at my house
>> you pee.
>> two or three times a week without not
telling anybody. And I deal with the
Secret Service. They just walk into my
walk into your house like 6:00 a.m.
knock on your bedroom door.
>> And they they watch you, right? Like a
>> Oh, yeah. And then they walk you into
the bathroom and close the door with
them standing like this.
>> Watching you watching your [ __ ] yeah.
>> You can't use the whizzinator. You could
use the whizzinator technically.
>> What is a whiz
>> What is that?
>> What is a whizzinator?
>> Oh, yeah.
>> [laughter]
>> What's the whizzinator?
>> The whizzinator is like a fake penis
that you can
>> I had the whizzinator when I went to the
Navy.
>> Exactly, yeah.
>> Uh
>> [laughter]
>> You need a whizzinator.
>> that you still pack your bag with a
witness? Is it you still doing that? You
have to pack your bags?
>> Yeah.
>> Have you heard this?
>> Yeah, it's a what It's called wife.
>> They watch you and they go, "That's all
you're bringing?"
>> [laughter]
>> It's true.
>> It's It's what I got. So,
I got in a
Melissa I got in a little discussion
before I left for here.
She said, "You can fit it all in the
backpack." I said, "I like my little
rolly bag to put my backpack on top of
it."
>> time without fail.
>> But, what are the wives pushing for?
More storage or less?
>> It doesn't matter. They go, "You know,
that's too much." or that's You know
matter what you pack, they're like,
"That's
>> Yeah, right. I
By the way, I just want to make clear
Melissa I did not use the voice that
Matt is doing.
>> I yeah, I get in trouble I get in
trouble with that all the time.
>> [laughter]
>> I usually get caught before my wife gets
so mad. She gets so mad. She gets so
mad.
>> I don't sound like that. I'm like,
>> [laughter]
>> Yeah, that's that's an ongoing problem.
>> Here's the thing is that
the reason is and only when I travel
internationally is that that if it's out
of my sight, I just think that look,
could you imagine
if I got pulled over
and they found drugs, you know, on me?
Who would believe me?
>> Yeah.
>> Like,
if you can't believe me about that,
>> Right.
>> Yeah.
>> the 9,000 times that I've said, "Are you
out of your mind? I wasn't there. You
can check on the fact that I wasn't
there. You can see that it wasn't like
it was in front of the I mean like all
of these things, okay? Can you imagine?
You know?
>> Yeah.
>> Right. Like, what what would you do? And
and
and you know,
also here's the other thing. Do you put
it past any of these guys for [ __ ] like
that?
>> No way. The plant that could have been
dropped for sure. It's like, "Dude, drop
it down."
>> Yeah. So,
you know, I want like here here like I
the the thing that
>> [gasps and sighs]
>> I am
I want all the questions. Like, there's
nothing off limits. I want to I want to
be able to because the the thing that I
think is the
the only value that I have
truly
because you don't have to agree with my
politics. You don't have to agree with I
think about Donald Trump. You don't have
to agree that well, I hope everybody
agrees that [ __ ] that Beavis and
Butt-Head are total douchebags, Don and
Eric. But
is that you don't have to agree
>> Fighting dogs. Fighting dogs.
>> Beavis and Butt-Head are so funny. It's
so true. Go look it up.
>> Oh, [ __ ] [laughter] Okay.
What's their deal? I don't know anything
about them.
>> Uh
>> jerks?
>> Well, they're rich jerks now. Like
really, really rich jerks. But the um uh
is it the one thing that I did I
like in just
to be like a symbol, like [ __ ] it, I
made it. Even like
I you can too. Like if if I can stay
clean and sober
>> Mhm.
>> through all of that [ __ ]
and um
and get on the other side of an
addiction that you can go look at how
[ __ ] awful it was.
>> Mhm.
>> Um is it It's like
I just think like for that reason alone
to be out here talking to people and to
show that I can sit upright in a chair
and I can write about it and I can talk
about it without any um shame. That
doesn't mean I don't feel guilty about
[ __ ]
>> Yeah.
>> Doesn't mean that I made horrible
decisions
and absent myself from my family and my
children in particular.
Doesn't mean that I'm even remotely
perfect in in my recovery.
>> Mhm.
>> You know, and uh but
you know, there is another
there is getting to the other side of
stuff. Um and being transparent about it
isn't a uh a weakness. It's a it's a
it's a strength.
>> You are everywhere at the moment. Are
you Would you ever consider running for
office? Is there a thrust that this is
working towards?
>> No, I mean, people I I'm I'm even
honored you would you would ask that
with a straight face because um
I I really am.
Because think about that. Think about
asking that question
you know, before May 21st of this year
when I went on X for the first time. Um
and
So, I I I really appreciate that if it
was said with sincerity. But, you know,
I tell people if you if if I announce
for something within the next few years,
then you will certainly know that I've
relapsed.
>> [laughter]
>> Yeah.
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