You know, somewhere in your life right
now, there's a person who gets exactly
what they want from you every single
time, and you still can't [music]
explain how they do it. That ends today.
Here are 15 steps to become impossible
to manipulate. [music] Welcome to Alux,
the place where future billionaires come
to get inspired.
Step one, notice the moment you get
defensive. [music]
Now, most people get manipulated for one
specific reason, and it's not because
they're dumb. They can't hold two ideas
that disagree with each other in their
head at the same time. The moment
something challenges what they already
believe, they stop thinking and start
defending. Our gut feeling is to behave
like we've been punched instead of
challenged. A bad agent will use it
against you. Nobody needs to convince
you of anything once you're defensive,
because defensive people stop checking,
they just react. [music] Governments and
politicians use this to get their way.
They charge your emotions, be it fear,
excitement, or revolt, in order to pass
laws that you wouldn't have agreed with
otherwise. So, the first step is to pay
attention when people around you create
an emotional environment before asking
for [music] a decision.
Step two, ask who taught you what you
believe. Because look, okay, a lot of
your strongest beliefs [music] came
pre-installed with your family
environment, because it made it easier
for them, not for you. Challenging
authority gets you punished in school.
You think that saying no to your
relatives is rude, or that you shouldn't
trust people who look a certain way.
Maybe your first [music] boss told you
need to work until exhaustion to show
your commitment. The problem is the
script keeps running of your head, even
though the environment has changed. And
those so-called lessons are no longer
useful. So, audit yourself right now.
Pick a belief you defend strongly and
ask where it came from. Then ask what
evidence would make you change your
mind. [music]
Paul Graham has a brutal way of putting
this. He said the more labels you have
for yourself, the dumber [music] they
make you. Because once an opinion
becomes part of your identity, changing
your mind no longer feels like
correcting an error, and that makes you
predictable. Someone doesn't need to
prove you wrong or convince you of
anything. They just need to frame the
decision in a way that protects the
identity that you already chose.
Step three. Stop trusting the experts
just because they're confident. It's
normal to search for authority figures.
They've got more experience than us.
They walked the path we want to walk and
can avoid the traps and snakes along the
way. But, the problem is the dilution of
expertise and thus the dilution of
trust. The truth is, if you try hard
enough, you can make data tell any story
you want. Confidence looks a lot like
competence when you don't know the
subject yourself, and that is dangerous.
A real [music] expert is able to work
out the logic of the decision and
highlight the vulnerabilities of the
argument. They know where their
knowledge ends. Fake experts preach
opinion as truth, [music] usually for
their own personal gain. Philip Tetlock
tracked 284 political experts over 20
years. [music]
Their predictions were, in his own
words, "roughly as accurate as a
dart-throwing chimpanzee." The
forecasters with the biggest media
profiles, they were the least accurate
of all. We gravitate toward people who
already share our opinions, and we've
got a bias for any evidence that
supports our worldview.
Step four. [music] Learn to see a
situation more than one way. "If you
really loved me, you would do this. You
either support the team or you don't.
You buy today or you lose the
opportunity."
Notice what happened? Someone created
two options and asked you to choose
between them. But, you don't have to.
You can love [music] someone and still
refuse them, support a company
highlighting the bad call they're about
to make, or walk away from the
opportunity without losing anything.
Sometimes the easiest way to control
someone is to control the menu they're
choosing from. To shift that power
dynamic, make your own menu.
>> [music]
>> Step five. Learn the seven ways that
people move you. Robert Cialdini spent
decades studying influence and found
ideas [music] that show up again and
again. So, here's that masterclass in a
shot glass. One, scarcity makes you want
what might disappear, [music] even if
it's artificially engineered like
countdown counters on websites. Two,
authority makes you trust the person
with the title. So, there's an entire
business faking authority and
certifications. [music] Three, social
proof makes you follow the crowd, which
is why your favorite influencers bought
fake followers. [music]
Four, we're more likely to say yes to
people we like, which is why beautiful
people don't develop a personality
because everyone says yes to them.
Five, reciprocity makes you feel like
you [music] owe someone. Even if it's
something small, I could lend you a cup
of sugar today and tomorrow ask you to
borrow your bike and you would say yes
[music] because you'd feel guilty not
to.
Six, consistency makes you want your
next decision to match your last one.
And [music] seven, unity makes people
like us do things like this.
Surprisingly effective. Now, none of
these are evil, they just get used by
your boss, your favorite restaurant, by
your friends, and even yourself,
knowingly and unknowingly. What you
don't realize is how some people or
businesses weaponize them to push you
past your own judgment. The [music]
sales pitch sounds different once you
can see the gears. And if you want to
learn specific frameworks like these,
ones that you can use for good or
profit, go to alux.com/start right now
and fill in the little survey. Let's see
if you qualify for a custom [music]
growth path. That's alux.com/start.
Number six, refuse to decide the same
day. Look, if it can't wait 24 hours,
the answer should be no. A strange thing
happens to bad deals when you ask to
sleep on them. They suddenly become very
fragile and urgent. The discount ends
tonight. I need your answer now. Someone
else is ready to take it. Okay, well, in
the words of Mel Robbins, let them. If a
decision can seriously affect your
money, work, business, or relationships,
you don't need to make it while somebody
is rushing you. Say something like, "I
don't decide things like this on the
spot. I'll get back to you tomorrow. If
that means I lose the deal, then [music]
so be it." Then, watch their reaction. A
real opportunity can usually survive one
night of waiting.
Step seven, turn down the favor with
strings attached. Now, you probably
learned this the hard way, right? Some
favors still charge interest 6 to 12
months later. It's usually something
they did for you with the explicit
intent of holding it over your head or
leveraging it for their personal gain.
They introduce you to somebody important
and then expect a percentage of the
deal. They help when you're in trouble
and they know they own you. Then the day
comes when you say no. "After everything
I've done for you?"
That's the invoice. Before taking a
major favor or accepting a large gift,
think about the person offering it and
what expectations are tied to that deal.
So, let's run this experiment right now,
okay? Your parents will gift you their
home with the expectation that they will
live there with you during their old
age.
Do you take the deal? Let us know in the
comments. You'll find this type of
structure everywhere around you, so ask
yourself, [music]
can they help you without owning part of
your future decisions? Sometimes [music]
the cost of accepting the free thing is
higher than walking away. A gift is very
different from leverage. You usually
find out which one you received when you
try to say no.
Step eight, trace the small yes that led
here.
Nobody begins with the huge request
because that would be too easy to
reject. It always starts with something
harmless followed by another small
exception, then one more, and then
eventually you look around and wonder
how something you never wanted became
normal or expected of you. [music] This
happens because saying yes yesterday
makes another yes today feel easier.
Yeses build on top of each other. A
Freedman and Fraser's original 1966
study showed [music] that about three
out of four people, or 76%,
who first agreed to a small favor, later
said yes to a much larger one. But when
people were asked for the big favor
right away, only about one in six
agreed, [music] 17%. Now, this is true
for other parts of your life as well.
Most people don't lose themselves in one
bad decision. [music] No, life usually
gives you a bunch of exits before you
end up in a place with no return. It's
never the one bad deal that crushes you.
It's more like six to seven that went
wrong back to back. So, when a request
feels wrong, trace the path backward.
What did you agree to before this?
[music] Where did the first exception
happen? You might find that the large
problem began with something so small
you didn't even think it was worth
arguing about. But yesterday's [music]
yes does not own tomorrow's answer.
Step nine, slow down anyone moving too
fast. Be careful when someone wants
trust before there's been enough time to
earn it. Your acquaintances are not
[music] your friends, A-listers, your
customers aren't your friends either.
Normalize saying no to people who are
not good enough friends to be doing
favors [music] for. Don't volunteer your
time or information to people outside of
your inner circle. A potential client
asks you for a freebie or a discount on
the promise that [music] they'll bring
you more business. A business partner is
talking about what you're going to build
together before you've even completed
the first deal. And Kevin De Becker has
a name for one version of this, [music]
forced teaming. Pay attention to how
quickly someone starts saying, "We.
We're going to crush this. We are the
same. You and I understand each other."
Sometimes the word we is being used
before a real we exists. Speed feels
good because you skip all the boring
uncertainty, but depth [music] lives in
that space. Trust should move at the
speed of evidence, not chemistry.
[music] So, here's what's worked great
for us. We define a business
relationship in three phases. Phase one,
something small that shows proof of
ability, builds credibility, and
momentum.
>> [music]
>> This one is easy and gets the ball
rolling. Phase two is something that
pushes the relationship a little bit,
but establishes how the partnership will
behave in specific situations. [music]
Once you start scratching beneath the
surface, many relationships start to be
kind of flimsy here. In phase [music]
three, you've already done the first two
phases successfully. Money has exchanged
hands and you're pleased [music] with
how you've worked together. Then you can
put some gas on everything. It's okay if
this takes two months instead of two
weeks [music] because it avoids a lot of
unnecessary costs further down the line.
This creates a clear path where both
parties understand what is expected of
them and where the future rewards are.
And if you want a word-by-word script,
we've got a path inside the A-Lux app
with exactly [music] what to say to make
sure you strike a good deal for both
parties. Go to alux.com/app right now
and get yourself a subscription. [music]
And if you're ready to go all the way,
we've got a special Labor Day offer for
you. So, tomorrow, September 7th, we're
offering you 50% off lifetime access.
[music] So, $4.99 instead of $9.99 to
unlock all current and future premium
content. This Labor Day, stop trading
your time for money and begin investing
in building the skills and assets that
contribute to long-term leverage for
life. [music] We'll put that special
promo link in the description of the
video. It pays to have this in your
toolkit because it also gives you an
advanced read on what others are trying
to use on you. How someone handles a
small no [music] tells you far more than
how they handle an easy yes. So, dose
your speed accordingly.
Number 10, trust your own confusion.
Confuse them until they don't know what
they agreed to is apparently very
effective in practice. There's a type of
conversation that leaves you irritated
or annoyed. It's pretty normal. But then
there's a conversation where you walk
away no longer sure what even happened.
You went in there asking why they lied
and somehow ended up apologizing for
your tone. Guilty men and women along
with bad business agents are black belts
at the taekwondo of turning things
against you. [music] Hit the like button
if you know somebody like that. You
remember exactly what was said, yet they
insist it never happened. Next week the
story changes again. They're gaslighting
you. They're bringing things back from
the past that are completely unrelated.
You can't win by arguing from memory.
You need receipts. So, save the message,
put the agreements in writing, and jot
down what happened while it's still
fresh. This matters at work, too. Just
confirming what we agreed today. One
email can save you 6 months of somebody
rewriting history. Always operate in
good faith, but protect yourself from
people who find pleasure in twisting
things for profit,
>> [music]
>> be it financial or emotional. Number 11,
check who you can still call. Look at
the people in your life
>> [music]
>> who you would call before making a major
decision. Has that list gotten smaller?
More importantly, did it get smaller
after one particular person entered your
life? Bingo. Isolation rarely begins
with someone saying, [music] "You're
forbidden from seeing your friends." No,
instead it sounds much more reasonable,
like, "Your brother never liked me." or
"Your friends don't understand what we
have. [music]
So, don't tell them about our private
business." If they control the
information and emotional environment
around you, they control what you think
and how you act. Isolation shows up as
the one of the single most common
tactics across nearly [music] every
documented case of coercive control, per
domestic abuse research organizations
tracking these patterns. It's usually
the first move, not [music] a side
effect. The answer is to keep people
around who you've known in different
parts of your life, or people who don't
have a stake in your future. Sometimes
the person outside the situation sees
the problem long before the person
trapped inside of it.
Number 12, call out the blame flip. 72%
of people who confront someone about
wrongdoing get hit with a full
deny-attack-reverse combo. There's even
a name for this specific situation,
DARVO.
>> [music]
>> DARVO stands for deny, attack, reverse
victim, and offender. It's the term
psychologist Jennifer Freyd coined in
1997 for the pattern when someone caught
doing something wrong, denies it
happened, attacks the credibility of
whoever is confronting them, and then
flips the script so they end up looking
like the victim while the actual accuser
looks like the aggressor. Something
like, "I wouldn't have to lie if you
weren't so controlling." And now the
conversation is somehow about you. So,
don't take the bait. We can talk about
that next. Right now, we're talking
about the lie. They throw out another
accusation, [music]
so bring it back again. A manipulator
can open up 10 arguments faster than you
can solve one. You have to finish the
first conversation before entering the
next nine. [music]
Number 13, ask yourself who benefits.
Before you answer anyone's real ask, say
this question with your mouth, not just
inside your head.
>> [music]
>> Who benefits if I say yes right now?
Most manipulation survives entirely on
you feeling the pull without calling out
who is doing the pulling. They want it
to stay vague and pressing [music]
instead of specific and answerable. And
this goes back millennia, okay? Cui
bono, who benefits, is a 2,000-year-old
[music]
legal principle used by Roman courts
specifically to catch liars in criminal
cases. It's one of the oldest lie
detection tools on record, and it's not
just [music] a fancy therapy term. The
person selling you something benefits.
The relative leaning on your guilt
benefits. The partner who needs you to
stay quiet benefits. Wanting something
isn't a crime, okay? Everybody wants
things, but making someone say plainly
what they get out of your yes strips
away the fog of the whole conversation
immediately. The result is half the
pressure falls apart on the spot every
single time you actually do it. Most
manipulators are okay with your
suffering a little bit if their gain is
bigger than your suffering. [music]
A useful test is to ask whether the
advice would stay the same if the
outcome costs them instead of benefiting
them. If the roles were reversed with
them knowing what they know, in the
majority of cases, they would walk away
from the deal, and you should do [music]
the same. Also, pay attention every time
there's a big news story picking up
speed. [music] More often than not,
someone is benefiting from it, and
usually at the expense [music] of
someone else.
Step 14, practice your boundary sentence
now.
Let's cut to the chase, okay? You need a
catch phrase for when you want to say
no. Practice it. Under real pressure in
the actual moment, you don't rise to
what's right, you fall to whatever is
rehearsed, and it pays big time to have
this one ready. The more you use it, the
more natural it'll come to you. "That
doesn't work for me." or "I don't want
to do that." are some of our go-tos.
They don't deserve an explanation or a
follow-up. Most people try to justify
the statement with a reason, which just
weakens the whole thing. Not wanting to
do something is enough of a reason.
Every explanation gives the other person
something new to solve. They'll call you
selfish when they can't benefit from
you. Whoever taught you that you need
everyone to like you, even if it comes
at your own expense? Part of becoming
hard to manipulate is becoming
comfortable with someone leaving the
conversation with the entirely wrong
opinion of you.
And step 15, protect your mind every
day.
Everything we've covered so far gets
harder when your mind is tired, flooded
with other people's opinions, and
constantly reacting to something. It's
easy to get caught up in the loop. You
wake up and check the news, then you
check what people are saying about the
news, then you watch someone explain why
everyone else misunderstood the news. By
lunch, you've absorbed 50 opinions and
inspected almost none of the original
information yourself. That matters
because whoever controls what reaches
you first has a surprisingly large
influence over what you later believe
you figured out on your own. This is why
you're better off reading than following
the news, especially books that have
stood the test of time. It signals
there's foundational value in it. If you
go to alux.com/100books,
you'll find the 100 books that have had
the biggest impact on our journey, and
you can download the PDF for free. And
you know, on top of books, we personally
love watching debates. Deliberately
exposing ourselves [music] to
intelligent people who disagree with our
views. Not trolls, not idiots chosen
because they make your side look
smarter. No, find the strongest version
of the opposing argument. Charlie Munger
built his thinking around having
multiple mental models because one way
of looking at the world eventually turns
into a blind spot. So, ask yourself
which of your strongest beliefs came
from direct experience, and which ones
you simply inherited from the people
around you. That's a useful question to
ask regularly. You should also protect
what leaves your mind. Not everybody
needs to know what you're planning, what
scares you, how much money you have, who
you're fighting with, or where you feel
insecure. The wrong person can't use
information they never received. It's
okay to stay in silence, to walk around
without a podcast or music playing in
your headphones. Your brain needs some
time when nobody is trying to put an
idea inside of it. Otherwise, you can
spend an entire day consuming other
people's thoughts and mistake that for
thinking. Charlie Munger spent most of
his life studying human errors despite
being one of the smartest investors
alive. [music]
He understood that intelligence doesn't
remove your blind spots. Sometimes
[music] it just gives you better
arguments for defending them. That's
probably the most important lesson in
this entire video. You never graduate
from being someone who can be
manipulated. We all can be manipulated.
But, you can get better at spotting the
pressure, checking incentives, slowing
decisions down, and protecting what
people know about you. But, the second
you start thinking, "These tricks don't
work on me." Well, you stop looking for
them. Those of you who have encountered
manipulators in your life, how did they
try to get to you? Help the community
out in the comments. And since it's a
Sunday here's your bonus. Know when to
stop playing. Look, if you know they're
lying, walk away. There's nothing you
can do. Their goal is to argue because
arguing gives them hope and ammunition.
You don't beat a manipulator. There's no
point in having a better version of the
fight because there's no reward at the
end. So, here's a golden nugget for you.
Exiting a bad deal on bad terms is
cheaper than staying and trying to fix
it. This lesson cost us $500,000 and a
year of our life to learn and you can
have it by clicking the subscribe
button. We also want to share an
exciting update coming to the Alux app
at the end of this month. Not only are
we doing a full app refresh that we
love, but we're adding three fresh
billionaire mentors that you can learn
from. If you're not ready to commit to
the lifetime access deal, you can scan
this QR code right now to secure your
annual membership at 50% off. Thanks for
supporting our channel and investing in
yourself, Aluxer. We'll see you back
here next time.