Are there any big indicators that
somebody's about to make a terrible
decision
that you could see that somebody could
sense inside of themselves where they're
about to like oh I'm pointing in the I'm
really pointing in the wrong direction.
And the reason I ask this is
>> yes I think good uh I think um
>> expediting success is is great and what
we want but avoiding failure like the um
what's the Warren Buffett's two pieces
of a trading advice uh uh number one is
never lose money and number two is
please read number one um that if you
can go through life avoiding pitfalls
that's a pretty [ __ ] good start
>> and expediting success can come after
rule number one of avoiding pitfalls. So
somebody is about to make a terrible
decision. What's going on?
>> So
I think there needs to be a definition
of like what does it mean to make a
terrible decision, right? So most people
think a terrible decision is a decision
where they don't get what they want.
>> That's what they think a terrible
decision is. Meaning like they're
sitting there saying to themselves, "I
want a girl." No, I want a
>> cold frosty. That's not a terrible
decision. Use something else. I want a
cigarette.
>> I want a cigarette.
>> I want a cigarette. [laughter] There we
go.
>> I want a cigarette. And they they
And if they get the cigarette,
then they have made a successful
decision.
That's what they're thinking, right? I
want the girl. Did I get the girl? I
made a good decision. I want the money.
Did I get the money? I made a good
decision. I want the job. Did I get the
job? I made a good decision. That is not
what makes a good decision because the
question is if I got the cigarette, did
the cigarette actually give me what I
want over the next year,
month, week, decade? If I got the girl,
did I get the thing?
>> Right. Yesterday we talked about people
be successful so that they can get the
maid of their choice. But then the maid
of their choice is the only mates of
their choice are the transactional ones
who only want them for their success.
>> Yeah.
>> So, so the the question is if you're
thinking about it that way, no, I don't
have a way to tell you if you're making
a great choice or a bad choice. I can
tell you that the um more fear that's in
the choice makes it less likely that
you're going to get the thing you want.
>> Right? Because if I'm coming to you with
something that I want and I'm scared I'm
not going to get it, you're less likely
to give it to me.
>> Mhm. Mhm.
>> I was wondering if you could donate to
my cause.
>> Yeah.
>> Right. Isn't going to be as good as
like, hey, I've got this great cause.
So, the more fear that I have, I'm
probably going to not get the thing that
I want. The more fear that I'm running
when I'm doing it. Not that fear is a
bad thing. It just means your fear is
unprocessed.
>> Yeah. the but but if you're looking at
what's a good decision like a good
decision is I want the cigarette but I'm
I don't get it
that is it's easy like if a person is
compromising themselves to do the thing
then they're making a horrible [ __ ]
decision
>> right and how will you know if you're
compromising yourself
>> that is a hard question there is
something in us that knows
oh I just don't like how I am right now.
There like it's it's and it is something
that you become more and more sensitive
to.
>> It's exactly what I was about to say.
It's exactly where I was that
>> there is a category of person maybe even
a large majority of people
>> who have suppressed that voice for so
long
>> that it's an entirely drained muscle,
right? they've atrophied that and even
the lightest even, you know, the bicep
curl of a cigarette is a weight that's
too heavy for them to lift.
>> Yeah. They they're not attenuated enough
to that. So, let's say there's somebody
who hasn't
>> used that muscle for a long time. Very
atrophied. They they can't hear the
voice particularly well. Yeah.
>> How would you start? How would you begin
to retrain the muscle?
>> Yeah. What I would say is look at the
last week, month, two months, and what's
the one way in that time frame that you
heard that you you felt this isn't the
right thing to do and you did it anyway?
What's the thing or what's the thing
that's creating resentment in your life?
>> Why resentment?
>> Because resentment means you've
abandoned yourself,
right? like uh if you ask me to do
something and I don't want to do it and
then I do it
enough times I'm going to resent you
>> period.
Right? So if you look in a marriage and
somebody resents the other marriage, it
means the other person in the marriage,
it means that they're doing [ __ ] that
they don't they're not holding their
boundary. they're abandon they've
abandoned themselves because they're
trying to make the other person happy or
trying to make them not angry or trying
to they're walking on eggshells or
they're accepting some sort of criticism
because it's just keeping the peace.
So resentment is a great way to look at
it or just look back and go where's the
ways that I don't feel like I was the
person I wanted to be in the last week.
>> Mhm.
>> Right. and take your time with it
because I think most people if they look
at that fully it's it's it's quite a ego
collapse.
>> I can imagine there's a certain category
of person who constantly needs
reassurance from others that their
decisions are okay.
>> Every single one of those moments of
needing reassurance from others is a
self-abandonment.
>> Why?
>> Uh how do you explain this? Um,
it's saying I don't know what's right
for me, which is a lie, but you do.
>> Which means I'm literally giving my
power over to you. I'm I'm saying and
I'm giving my happiness. The
responsibility for my happiness is yours
now, not mine, which is an a
self-abandonment. And I'm saying you
know the answer for me when the truth is
that I know the answer for myself. All
of that is some level of
self-abandonment. How do you split the
difference between that and genuinely
having a friend that is a good confidant
that has a degree of expertise that
knows you, that is able to see things
that you don't see,
you know that this would make a
wonderful case for never listening to
anybody ever about anything in your
life?
>> No, I I'm not ever saying don't listen
to people. I think listening to people
is like where a tremendous amount of
wisdom comes from. I'm saying that if
you're looking for their approval
>> and there's this big difference.
>> Is this okay for me to do?
>> Yeah.
>> Yeah.
>> Yeah. Like somehow or another it's like
if you're saying if you can't say I feel
good about doing this without like
looking over to you and say is it all
right that we do this then you know
you're you're abandoning yourself.
How much of decisiveness do you think is
learning to cope with increasing amounts
of uncertainty?
Yeah. So without a doubt if you're if
you are confident in your identity to
decisiveness increases dramatically.
People who have a very stable sense of
self are far more decisive than people
who don't.
There is also
there's in business what you'll notice
is that most CEOs start realizing that
making decisions is better than getting
decisions right.
>> Making decisions is better than getting
decisions right.
>> Yes. Meaning,
if I have a choice between making 10
decisions a day and making them right,
making sure that they're right, which
I'll never perfectly do, or making a 100
decisions a day and just getting them
made, the 100 decisions a day is a
better choice. And the reason is is
because as soon as you make a decision,
then you're testing your thesis against
reality.
>> If I'm sitting there going, "How do we
market?" Well, let's make sure we market
it best. What's the thing? And do all
the data. I have I'm not running any
experiments. I'm not actually going,
well, what did the audience say? Okay,
what did I learn? As soon as I make a
decision, then I run an experiment. Then
I learn something. Then I can make
another experiment. Then I can I'm
interacting with the world and learning
from the world immediately. And so
making the decision allows the action to
happen so that the learning can occur.
And so it's the same in life is that be
making that decision is really
important. The thing that stops you from
making the decision is again if your
identity is in jeopardy. So there's
certain identities like if I have the
identity of I'm an action guy, then it's
easy for me to be decisive by nature.
>> Yeah.
>> But if I have the identity of I have to
be right because every time I was wrong,
my parents criticized me for 20 years
and made fun of me and like 6 years
later I'm at dinner table and I'm still
being told how I like made a mistake
from 6 years ago. then I'm going to be
like, "Okay, I gotta I gotta make this
thing right
>> because my identity is is engaged." And
so, as people start to
be really confident of like this is who
I am and I'm valuable
just because I'm valuable,
>> those people become far far more
decisive. And and even more than that,
it's like there's less decisions and
more choice because there's less fear
because there's less
>> there's less identity at stake. Like
what? Like what what what do I have to
worry about?
>> George has this line. He says, "I'd
rather be high conviction and wrong than
low conviction and right."
>> Oh, [ __ ] right. Absolutely.
>> Yeah. Because I will learn I'm wrong a
lot quicker.
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. [laughter] Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. I'd rather be high conviction and
wrong. I love this thought process that
there's this test we use for gauging
talent and it's a a test that has uh xy
axises that people think are
not
uh they think they're contrary when
they're not contrary and it's called
paradox axises and so one of them is
conviction and one of them is openness
and most people think you can either be
convicted and open but this graph is
basically And you can be high in
convicted, high in openness, low in
both.
Right?
>> Why do you place yourself on the graph?
>> I I test as both very open and very
convicted,
>> right?
>> And and but I say I say that because
that actually makes it makes really good
decisions.
>> But that comes from a confidence in your
identity. Meaning I am totally happy to
be wrong and that doesn't threaten who I
am. So, I love being open and I have
high conviction because if I don't have
high conviction, I don't take action.
>> Yeah.
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