[@ChrisWillx] Life After Olympia: Fatherhood, TRT & Finding Purpose - Chris Bumstead (4K)

Link: https://youtu.be/SO155Z0mrc4

Short Summary

Following his retirement from competitive bodybuilding, Chris Bumstead reflects on the surprising challenges of adjusting to a life without a singular, all-consuming goal. He acknowledges a sense of lost direction and increased stress, but also finds joy in being a father and prioritizes his family while learning to cope with a shifting identity beyond bodybuilding, and ultimately emphasizing the importance of emotional authenticity and strong relationships. He's using what he learned from the rigid structure of his bodybuilding past to create a new life for his future.

Key Quotes

Here are 5 direct quotes extracted from the transcript that represent significant insights:

1. "I can't just rest and be good enough as things are."

   • This highlights the speaker's struggle with the transition from constantly striving for improvement in bodybuilding to accepting a more relaxed, less goal-oriented lifestyle post-retirement.

2. "Lots of things get hidden under momentum and bravado and attention and chaos."

   • This quote points to the way the demands and distractions of competition and success can mask deeper emotional and personal issues.

3. "This goal I have, this journey I have now has this intense tension because it's not a free choice of or a positive choice. It's not a free choice of like this is wanting to do this. It's like I have to do this to be good enough."

   • This describes the shift in motivation from genuine desire to a feeling of obligation or a need to validate one's self-worth, which ultimately led to burnout.

4. "I feel like one of the most important things I've done the last few years is like consistently re-evaluate my values and try and make decisions based off the highest ones even if in the moment I don't really feel like it's what I want."

   • This represents the shift towards prioritizing personal values, even if they conflict with immediate desires or societal expectations.

5. "If for one minute you could see yourself the way your child sees you, you would never be the same."

• An especially impactful statement on the unconditional love and perspective shift offered by parenthood, especially coming from a public figure whose self-worth was previously tied to external validation.

Detailed Summary

Okay, here's a detailed summary of the YouTube video transcript, presented in bullet points, highlighting the key topics, arguments, and information discussed:

Overall Theme: Chris Bumstead's Transition from Professional Bodybuilding to Post-Retirement Life

• Retirement Reflections:

  • It's a mix of good and bad. Parts are missed, but there's no desire to go back to competing, recognizing the immense pressure.
  • Mainly feeling "lost in direction" and filling that void with busywork (business, fatherhood, moving from one thing to another).
  • The singular focus of a decade (eat, sleep, train) is gone, leading to challenges in defining a new purpose.
  • Somatic experiences and stress are surfacing, revealing emotions masked by the pressure of competition.
  • Feeling an "ego death" in terms of body image and identity, but balancing it with the joy of being a father.
  • The journey is not at "neutral peace" yet.

• Emotional Awakening and Processing:

  • Realization that slowing down has allowed for the surfacing of previously suppressed emotions.
  • Constant need to improve and progress was channeled into bodybuilding, which eventually became draining.
  • Trying to find external things to progress in as if I need to be proving myself, and I can't just rest and be good enough as things are.
  • Momentum and bravado in competition hid fleeting thoughts and subconscious feelings.
  • "Selective emotional efficiency" focused on practical capabilities (prioritizing bodybuilding) over expressing emotions.
  • This led to constant hypervigilance, hidden by momentum, eventually resulting in fatigue and lack of deep rest.
  • Expressing emotions was perceived as "high risk, low reward," leading to emotional hiding and constant stress awareness.
  • Being tapped in to the subtler emotions doesn't necessarily get rewarded, especially when there are big goals in place.

• Addiction to Progress & the Search for Meaning:

  • Without a goal, life feels meaningless. Focus is now on being present with family, developing a more emotionally attuned mind, and enjoying life.
  • Recognizing the "gap" between the man he is and the man he knows he can be. Finding meaning in the journey between the two.
  • But needs to be the goal needs to be a free choice.
  • Goal needs to be a free choice.
  • Realizing his decision to compete, while technically a choice, was driven by a need to feel "good enough," tied to his identity and self-worth.
  • The gym was once an escape, but shifted to a source of pressure.

• The Illusion of Control & Ego Death:

  • Aware of the dangers of attaching ego to something, but still motivated by it.
  • Realized that having constant success and seeing follower counts rise masked his attachment to external validation.
  • The realization of decreased Instagram followers was a modern "ego death," forcing introspection.
  • Reflecting on what truly served him throughout his career and why he retired.
  • Recognized that his values had shifted, but he was still pursuing things that brought more success, which were separate from his values.
  • Values shifting to being a family, discovering himself, and being present.
  • Bodybuilding became something he "had to do" to win, rather than something he "got to do."
  • Why you start something typically changes over time.
  • Distinction of modeling the rise not the result.
  • Importance of having a purpose or meaning for life.

• The Retirement Decision & its Aftermath:

  • The initial plan was to retire after his fifth win, but he continued to win.
  • Went into the last year of competition knowing it would be the last time, leading to a genuine belief he could win.
  • However, he would have retired regardless. If trust and believe in myself to live up to those values, what I would have been able to do was to use that loss, something out of my control to take what is in my control, how I handle it, to learn something and try and apply it to be the best version of myself and to stick to my values
  • Can't imagine being in prep right now with a pregnant wife and young child.
  • His mind feels released, opening the ability to realize the things held inside that may have been creating tension in his life.
  • Discusses similar experience of other athletes, particularly Mark Cavendish and Jon Jones, who both have different mentalities around the end of their careers.
  • Earlier, he nearly quit after his fifth win, driven by injury and personal life chaos. It was stepping away from in fear.
  • Unlike now, he had an intense desire to reverse time and to do it again.

• Navigating Life Change & Loss of Direction:

  • Drawing parallels to broader life changes (career shifts, relationships).
  • Acknowledging loss aversion, sunk cost fallacy, the need for validation, and more complex issues.
  • Not having the routine as body building, and instead feeling lost led to exhaustion and lack of motivation.
  • Empathizing with himself, and recognizing that there is no need to constantly be progressing forward.
  • Returning to working out and eating properly has helped give him structure and enjoyment.
  • Gym is a passion that gives discipline, progression, confidence, and mental clarity.
  • Important not to demonize or dismiss past, present selves. He would not change his insecure "bad" past, as it has made him the person he is today.
  • Importance of using the fuel that you can, even if it's hate or insecurity. The balance comes with time.
  • Recognizing that all the "fluffy" words are going to meet reality.
  • I woke up on the morning and didn't know what to do.
  • I felt tired a lot.
  • I didn't want to train.
  • I was short and snappy with my business partners.
  • I I found myself getting distracted with lots of little tasks because it made me feel important and like people needed me.
  • I packed my calendar out and did.
  • "You hide all of the quiet fleeting thoughts. You're like, "No, shut up. I don't need to listen to you."

• Strategies for Moving Forward:

  • Treating life like a science experiment, testing what's essential and what can be removed.
  • When feeling lost, having a constant in life within one's control is crucial, just to give you that little postural upkeep. For Chris, it is the gym.
  • A constant in life,
  • Constant in your control,
  • Relationships in life,
  • Being able to be seen by someone else is a cheat code for life,
  • When feeling lost and alone, having relationships will help.
  • Embrace being lost in this phase and learn to discover who you truly are. The path can lead to something better and different.
  • The gym gives structure to life and discipline in areas of control.

• Source of Self-Worth:

  • Genuinely knowing and believing that he's living up to his most important values. E.g., "Am I being a good dad?"
  • Detaching self-worth from outcomes that are out of his control.
  • There's no need to be attached to the outcome, it's just in the effort, and does that lead you to less effort.

• Navigating Marriage & Fatherhood:

  • "I'm always there for a lot to advocate and take that like is such a big deal from our from my marriage and and then there's more there's I would never even I have to sacrifice and I've thought more what the relationship has a really for people and it has options have had this from other things as I had really need like your home my name what has been the end
  • Important to be intentional to celebrate the love, and to remind each other of how valuable you are to one another. The private vow helps implant this idea. The man-woman connection will last even if life brings you different directions.
  • The reminder of having a safe relationship where she is able to see you and know you and love you for who you are is the ultimate luxury in life.

• Post-Competition Health & Physiology:

  • Grateful to have not done too much while competing, and trying to get the best out of the least amount of PEDs.
  • Bodybuilding wasn't declining autoimmune issues, and was keeping it at a level.
  • Focusing more on health, and realizing there are priorities.
  • You can't really attack everything at once.
  • Focus on the gut: SIBO, mold, leaky gut, heavy metals.
  • TRT is being used to slowly decrease exogenous hormones, rather than drop cold turkey.

• Distributed Identities:

  • You were given the ability for there to be a very very good place in an amazing journey.
  • Increased number of people that are most important in life.
  • Being surrounded by more people who love you and don't care win or lose.

• Thoughts about what it means to be a man:

• Back to our typical conversation, we're always like thinking, progressing, fixing this.

• Men just take way less time to allow themselves to feel emotion