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[@ChrisWillx] The Life-Changing Skill of Emotional Regulation - Dr Marc Brackett

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@ChrisWillx - "The Life-Changing Skill of Emotional Regulation - Dr Marc Brackett"

Link: https://youtu.be/leYITU7MdIE

Short Summary​

This YouTube video transcript highlights the importance of emotional intelligence, particularly emotional regulation, and how lacking emotion education hinders individuals from effectively managing their feelings. Dr. Mark Brackett advocates for building emotion skills (recognizing, understanding, labeling, expressing, and regulating) to improve decision-making, relationships, and overall well-being, emphasizing that emotional regulation should be considered a key component of success. He also notes many people, particularly men, are not properly taught about emotional skills because feeling emotions is equated with being emotional or hysterical.

Key Quotes​

Here are 4 valuable quotes from the YouTube transcript:

  1. "What we say in our research is that you have to name it to tame it. You got to label it to regulate it."

  2. "Based on my research and you know the work I've done recently, I think that emotion regulation should actually be the new definition of success."

  3. "Denying or suppressing your emotions is still giving them a lot of power over you...you are saying this thing is so impactful and outside the bounds of my control and I am at the mercy of it so much so that I can't engage with it."

  4. "Emotions are like the tide. They come and go. Sometimes they're unpleasant. Sometimes they're pleasant. If you're feeling it for too long and it's too intense, you got to do something about it."

Detailed Summary​

Here's a detailed summary of the YouTube video transcript in bullet points, highlighting the key topics, arguments, and information discussed:

Key Topics

  • Emotion Education: The lack of formal emotion education from preschool through adulthood.
  • Emotional Intelligence (EQ): Defining and explaining its components and importance.
  • Emotional Regulation: What it is, how it differs from emotional intelligence, and its significance for success and well-being.
  • Second Order Emotions: Feeling bitterness at resentment about shame, about anxiety and the difficulty men face in finding safe places to experience emotions.
  • The "RULER" Model: A five-skill model for emotional intelligence.
  • Dealing with Feelings: Practical steps towards improving emotional intelligence.
  • Suppression vs. Expression of Emotions: The negative consequences of suppressing emotions.
  • The Role of Emotions in Performance: How emotions can be performance enhancers rather than vectors for weakness.
  • Gaslighting and its Impact: How gaslighting affects self-perception.
  • The How We Feel App: A tool to help build emotional awareness.
  • High Sensitivity: What it means to be a highly sensitive person and how to reframe it as a strength.

Key Arguments and Information

  • Lack of Emotion Education:
    • One in five adults can name more than three emotions.
    • Formal emotion education is needed from preschool through adulthood.
  • Emotion Vocabulary is Crucial:
    • Distinguishing between similar emotions (e.g., anger vs. disappointment, anxiety vs. stress vs. pressure) is essential.
    • "Name it to tame it," and "Label it to regulate it."
    • Men often act aggressively to mask other emotions (disappointment, fear, anxiety).
  • Emotional Intelligence (EQ) Defined:
    • Using feelings wisely to achieve goals.
    • RULER Model:
      • Recognizing emotions in oneself and others.
      • Understanding the causes and consequences of emotions.
      • Labeling emotions precisely.
      • Expressing emotions appropriately.
      • Regulating emotions.
    • EQ is functional and goal-oriented.
  • Emotional Regulation is Key:
    • The definition of high performance is emotional regulation, not emotional intelligence.
    • A set of goals and strategies:
      • Prevent unwanted emotions.
      • Reduce intense emotions.
      • Initiate desired emotions.
      • Maintain positive emotions.
      • Enhance positive emotions.
    • Emotion regulation is G (Goals) + S (Strategies).
    • Effective strategies vary based on the specific emotion, personality, and context.
  • Why Emotional Skills Aren't Taught:
    • Historically, emotions were viewed as subjective and difficult to study objectively.
    • Emotions are often equated with being "emotional" or hysterical.
    • Men often feel shame about emotions like anxiety, thinking it's a sign of weakness.
  • Consequences of Suppressing Emotions:
    • Suppression is never the answer, it's a debt that gets bigger over time.
    • Leads to maladaptive strategies (avoidance, denial, overeating, alcohol abuse).
    • Can manifest in physical and mental health problems.
  • Framework for Integrating Emotions:
    • Give oneself permission to feel without judgment.
    • Shift belief systems to recognize that there are no bad emotions.
    • Build emotional vocabulary to better understand and label feelings.
  • Anxiety vs. Stress vs. Pressure:
    • Anxiety: Uncertainty about the future.
    • Stress: Too many demands and not enough resources.
    • Pressure: Something at stake dependent on action/behavior.
  • Envy:
    • A common emotion among high school students, often mislabeled as "stress."
    • Can be alchemized into gratitude by seeing the blessing in what you already have.
  • The Importance of Body Awareness and Embodiment:
    • Emotions are a product of the intersection between cognitive and physical experience.
    • You need to be aware of what's happening in your body, in terms of heat or activation, etc.
  • Qualities Desired in Supportive People:
    • Non-judgmental
    • Good listener
    • Empathy and compassion
  • The sleep habits it's the nutrition it's the physical activity We know those three things directly correlate with our ability to regulate emotions effectively
  • Imagine That You Have An Identity As Someone Who Is Well Regulated
  • Sleep/Nutrition/Physical Activity Correlate Directly With Emotion Regulation
  • The Most Challenging Emotions: Self-Conscious Emotions
  • Feelings, Emotions, Moods, and Dispositions
  • What Is Gaslighting?

This comprehensive summary provides a solid understanding of the video's core message and the various facets of emotional intelligence and regulation discussed.