[@ChrisWillx] Why Violence & Revenge Fantasies Feel Good - James Kimmel Jr.

Link: https://youtu.be/dacBJJ46z98

Short Summary

Number One Takeaway: Recognizing and managing revenge desires, especially in the face of perceived injustice, is crucial for preventing violence and improving personal well-being. Forgiveness, even imagined, can deactivate the brain's pain and craving centers associated with revenge, offering a pathway to healing and reduced negative physical and psychological outcomes.

Executive Summary: The interview explores the evolutionary roots of revenge, its addictive nature within the brain, and the often unrecognized role it plays in various forms of violence. It highlights the importance of understanding and managing grievances and revenge cravings, advocating for education and readily accessible tools like the Miracle Court app, as well as the potential benefits of forgiveness, to combat revenge and foster personal and societal well-being.

Key Quotes

Here are five direct quotes from the transcript that I found to be particularly insightful or surprising:

1. "What we have thought of as evil is this. It's this overwhelming consumptive compulsion to harm other people to gra to make ourselves feel better. It's just this one addiction where the only way to gratify your your your craving is to hurt other people." This provides a compelling redefinition of "evil" not as an inherent quality but as a manifestation of addiction-like behavior.

2. "So, the book is The Science of Revenge. Please check it out. A lot of times people go, "Wow, I just listened to this amazing podcast. Why would I read the book?" I'm like, we could only cover a small percentage of what this is about. " The speaker notes that the nuances and extent of work are not completely present in a shorter form of information.

3. "Perpetrators were always victims first." This highlights a critical and often overlooked perspective, suggesting that understanding the cycle of victimization is essential to addressing violence.

4. "But when you become the instrument of someone else's pain, you have to experience unfortunately the pain that you're inflicting. It's like a hammer hitting a nail. You know, we think, "Oh, poor nail is getting struck by a hammer." It's not that easy. The hammer always experiences the impact of that blow. It can't escape it. And we can't become the instrument of another person's pain without uh ourselves experiencing some of that pain." This analogy vividly illustrates the interconnectedness of violence and the inescapable repercussions for the perpetrator.

5. "For instance, we need to teach our we have a child. Let's say you have a child and the child wants to run across the street uh as soon as you open the front door of the house without looking both ways. And you're worried that the kid will get hit by a passing vehicle. Uh so you say, "Hey, rule is you never do that. You just stand at the door." But the kid continues to do it anyway despite your rule. So, what might you need to do then in order to impress just how important this is to the child? You might add some some pain experience for the child, like taking away their cell phone or their video game or not letting them have their favorite dessert." The speaker gives an example of discipline while discussing ethical obligations.

Detailed Summary

Okay, here's a detailed summary of the YouTube video transcript, focusing on the key topics, arguments, and information discussed, while excluding advertisements:

• Early Life and Bullying:

  • The speaker was bullied after moving from a suburban to a rural area at age 12.
  • He was an outsider who wanted to be accepted by the local farm kids.
  • Initial shunning escalated to verbal and physical bullying over several years.
  • The bullying included a gunshot fired at his house and the killing of his dog.

• The Breaking Point and Near-Violent Retaliation:

  • After the mailbox was blown up, the speaker snapped and grabbed his father's gun.
  • He chased the bullies in his mother's car, cornering them at a barn.
  • He had a loaded gun and the element of surprise.
  • He was about to get out of the car to confront them violently.
  • He experienced a sudden moment of clarity, realizing he would become a "murderer."
  • He chose not to get out of the car and drove home.

• The Evolutionary Basis of Revenge:

  • The speaker suggests that humans evolved to experience pleasure from hurting those who hurt them.
  • This is rooted in the Pleistocene era where retaliation was adaptive for social norms and survival.
  • Retaliation ensured compliance with social norms and protected resources (mate, food).
  • Now, revenge is often triggered by less critical offenses (ego, identity).

• Triggers for Revenge:

  • Any real or imagined mistreatment, injustice, or victimization.
  • Insults, humiliation, betrayal, and shame are significant drivers, often more so than physical harm.

• The Neuroscience of Revenge:

  • Psychological harms activate the brain's pain network (anterior insula).
  • The brain seeks pleasure as a response, activating reward circuitry (nucleus accumbens, dorsal striatum).
  • This circuitry is similar to that of addiction (drugs, alcohol, gambling).
  • Dopamine is released, causing a temporary "high" and craving for more.
  • If the prefrontal cortex (executive function, self-control) is inhibited, revenge seeking can lead to harmful actions despite knowing the negative consequences.

• Revenge as an Addiction:

  • Addiction defined as inability to resist an urge despite knowing the negative consequences.
  • Revenge is invariably associated with that
  • In addiction, prefrontal cortex can be hijacked

• Differentiating Revenge, Self-Defense, and Boundary Setting:

  • Revenge is about punishing wrongs of the past.
  • Self-defense is about protecting from an immediate threat in the present.
  • It's important to protect yourself and remove yourself from toxic situations.

• The Role of Revenge in Violence:

  • Revenge is the root motivation behind almost all forms of violence.
  • This ranges from bullying to intimate partner violence, gang violence, and even warfare.
  • When police state "we don't know the motive" it really means that the the grievance motivating the revenge is not clear.
  • By viewing such violence as flowing into a common addiction pathway, it can be addressed with preventative public health approaches.

• Teaching vs. Revenge:

  • Discipline should be for teaching life-saving lessons, not gratifying a desire for retaliation.
  • There's a risk of discipline turning into revenge.

• Justice vs. Revenge:

  • "Justice" is often used to disguise revenge motives.
  • Justice should mean fairness, equity, and seeing others as equal.
  • However, it's often used to justify punishment and "getting even."
  • The speaker questions if a "just war" is even possible or whether justice becomes twisted to sanctify horrifc acts.

• Perpetrators as Victims First:

  • People who commit violence almost always see themselves as victims first.
  • The book is dedicated to the perpetrators who were once the victims.
  • Victimization causes the brain to go into violent action

• Forgiveness as an Antidote:

  • Forgiveness (even imagined) deactivates the brain's pain network (anterior insula).
  • It also deactivates reward circuitry, reducing cravings.
  • It activates the prefrontal cortex, improving decision-making.
  • Forgiveness is not a sign of weakness, but a superpower that reduces blood pressure, anxiety, and depression.

• The Miracle Court App:

  • A virtual roleplay experience where users put on trial those who have wronged them.
  • Users play all roles: victim, defendant, judge, jury, and warden.
  • It allows users to be heard and to understand the other's perspective.
  • It includes administering punishment, but then it makes one question if that was what was expected.
  • It then guides them towards the idea of forgiveness.

• The Legal System and Revenge:

  • The legal system is deeply intertwined with revenge.
  • Lawyers are "professional Avengers" selling "Justice."

• Revenge in Relationships and Social Media:

  • Power struggles in relationships often involve subtle acts of revenge.
  • Social media amplifies grievances and allows for retaliatory measures.
  • Algorithims can incentivize people to increase engagement and feed people grievance and injustice.

• Warning Signs of Compulsive Revenge Seeking:

  • Being easily grieved and perceiving victimization everywhere.
  • Experiencing a "dopamine hit" and high from getting revenge.
  • Difficulty controlling the urge to retaliate despite negative consequences.

• Key Strategies for Intervening in Revenge Cravings:

  • Engaging in forgiveness.
  • Saying the mantra, "I forgive this world for all things done and for all things left undone, and I am forgiven for all things done and all things left undone."
  • Seeking support from a therapist or mental health professional.

• Cultural Aspects of Revenge:

  • The speaker points out that Americans applauded a vengeful response to 9/11.
  • Sporting and social institutions sometimes praise revenge.
  • There's a lack of strong cultural emphasis on forgiveness.
  • However, societies that forgive and rebuild after war prosper.