[@jackneel] “I Wanted to Stop!” Former Adult Star Exposes Dark Truth About The Industry

Link: https://youtu.be/yhSLVm_dGrA

Short Summary

Sterling Cooper, a former adult film star and expert on attraction, shares his experiences in the industry, exposing its darker aspects and discussing how it objectifies both men and women. He then pivots to offering advice on relationships and attraction, focusing on men taking decisive leadership roles and women prioritizing seduction over hypersexualization to foster deeper intimacy. Cooper also explores the psychology behind sexual drive and offers practical tips for improving relationships and enhancing sexual experiences.

Key Quotes

Here are five quotes from the provided transcript that I found particularly insightful:

1. "People talk about women being objectified in that industry... my face is probably on screen for like maybe a minute right and the rest of it I'm film from the nipple down uh and I'm literally reduced to just an object, right?" This quote highlights a surprising perspective on objectification within the adult film industry, suggesting male performers experience a more extreme form of it than their female counterparts.
2. "When she said that she didn't want to shoot with the guy, this got leaked onto Twitter. Everybody like attacked her for it... And I thought the idea was it's your body, your choice, but in her case, apparently not. And then unfortunately, she's no longer with us." This quote reveals a disturbing anecdote about the pressures and potential toxicity within the industry, where expressing personal boundaries can lead to severe consequences, including tragic outcomes.
3. "So prolactin is in men it's when you when a man um finishes right his brain dumps prolactin and it's the thing that gives you that sleepy drowsy cuddly feeling afterwards that's prolactin. Now when you don't release like depending on how much you release you have will basically have a higher sex drive and you will recover faster from an intimate session." This is an interesting data point regarding the physiological and hormonal elements behind men's libido and sexual experience.
4. "Just be decisive. Stop asking her, 'Where do you want to go to eat?'... just make the damn decision for her." This quote, although potentially controversial, captures a strong opinion about the importance of decisiveness in attracting women, directly challenging modern, egalitarian notions of relationships.
5. "If she doesn't like sex means she doesn't like you. She doesn't like sex with you. That's what that means. Like it's not she's not asexual." This is a very direct and potentially controversial statement that simplifies a complex issue but represents a strong opinion from the guest.

Detailed Summary

Okay, here is a detailed summary of the YouTube video transcript, presented in bullet points.

Key Topics & Overview

• Introduction: The podcast episode features Sterling Cooper, a former adult film star and expert on sex, attraction, and seduction. He discusses his unconventional path, the realities of the adult film industry, and strategies for men to become more desirable.

• Focus: The conversation explores the psychology of female attraction, deconstructs harmful industry narratives, and offers practical advice on transforming sexual desire into a fulfilling lifestyle.

Sterling Cooper's Background & Industry Experience

• Early Life: Grew up in Australia, was a high school valedictorian, and researched chemistry.

• Transition to Adult Films: Started a paleo meal delivery business after feeling limited in his chemistry career. Sold it, and then, driven by a desire to travel and be with attractive women, sought to "cut out the middleman" and get paid to do so, leading him to the adult film industry.

• Film Career Length: Starred in adult films for approximately 5 years.

• Earnings: Made about $270,000 over 4-5 years from over 400 films. Roughly $700 per film.

• Gender Pay Gap: Female actresses in the industry typically earn about double what male actors (BS) make. Fewer male actors are working.

• Objectification: Argues that male actors in the industry are, in some ways, more objectified than female actors, as their faces are often minimally shown, and they're reduced to performing a specific function. His face may be on screen for one minute, while he's filmed from the nipple down.

• Experiences with the Industry: Worked for major studios and witnessed the darker side, including instances of exploitation, bullying, and mental health issues.

• Death of co-workers: States that at least 5 people he worked with are now dead. Mentions factors like risky behavior in men and potential pre-existing mental health vulnerabilities in some women entering the industry.

• Selection Bias: Acknowledges potential selection bias; that individuals with pre-existing issues may be drawn to the industry. Notes that not all female performers fit this mold, as some have degrees and fulfilling careers.

• Regulation: No longer helps anyone get into the industry and now has a complete 180 attitude.

Industry Issues & Politics

• Crossover Performers & Health Concerns: Discusses the controversial issue of "crossover" performers (those who work in both straight and homosexual content) and the health risks involved. Recounts an instance where an actress was bullied online for refusing to work with a crossover performer, which contributed to her suicide.

• Political Agendas: Notes a push within the industry to normalize bisexual and trans content. There was a storm of political issues.

• Ownership: The biggest player used to be MindGeek, now Ethical Capital, is owned by a rabbi, but X videos, based in Hungary, and Penthouse are also major players.

• Profit Model: The funnel model using free sites to direct traffic into paid sites. The companies act as data companies.

"Darkest Scene" & Boundaries

• Abusive Relationship Scene: Describes a particularly dark scene where he played an abusive husband. He had to take breaks because he couldn't rise to the occasion for such acts.

• BDSM: Discusses working for kink.com and the surprising enthusiasm of female performers to engage in extreme acts within a safe, consensual environment.

• Artistic Expression: Directors are creating something that she wanted to tell, and they pick people they work well with.

• Script Writing: Most smaller productions are basically one guy who is picking the women he wants to book.

OnlyFans & Modern Sexuality

• OnlyFans Impact: Discusses OnlyFans, seeing it as both empowering for performers (allowing independent income) and potentially harmful (normalizing online sex work, with many creators earning very little). Some of the existing actresses make more money.

• Technology and Pornography: Pornography shapes how technology acts.

• Intimacy vs. Sex: Argues that many OnlyFans users seek intimacy more than sex, as the content is freely available elsewhere. They are seeking intimacy, validation, and connection that they are missing in real relationships. A lot of men in relationships are spending money because of a lack of intimacy.

• Seduction: He believes women aren't taught how to seduce men anymore.

Seduction & Attraction

• Hypersexualization vs. Seduction: Distinguishes between being "hypersexualized" (wearing revealing clothes, etc.) and being "seductive," which involves holding something back and creating anticipation.

• Decisiveness: Simple decisiveness is one of the most attractive traits men can offer women. Avoid asking "Where do you want to go eat?" and make the decision.

• Relaxed Women: Western women are often stuck in a masculine role because they have to be both a man and a woman. They need someone to be decisive so they can relax into being more feminine and soft.

• Allergies: Asks if there are any allergies to anything that can be offered.

• Respect Loss: If a woman starts to distrust decisions, it's a signal that you've lost her respect somewhere.

• Important Male Traits: Lists avoiding being overly frugal/cheap and not being a coward as key traits.

• Leadership: The number one trait women crave is leadership or dominance, equated to assertiveness. Strong families make strong nations, and strong relationships are built on the understanding of basic male/female dynamics. Harmony ensues when people understand their role in the relationship.

• Submissive: Women melt away to men with these traits. When they have someone who is a leader, they can be submissive and let go of their anxiety and be doting towards their man.

• Valentine's day: You need to balance it. There's a certain way you can make love which shows your strength.

• Strength: Demonstrated through actions and the capacity for violence (not necessarily being violent).

• Superficial Women: Superficial women only want men who can provide for them.

• Time Apart: You need to engineer time apart. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

• Relationship Issues: If she doesn't like sex, it means she doesn't like sex with you.

• Dead Bedroom: It means the woman probably doesn't like the man anymore. It also means the man is probably not getting laid elsewhere either.

• Jealousy: Demonstrating you are at least attractive to women.

• Status: Status is the strongest aphrodesiac. You got attention because you had status.

• Running Events: Running events helps. Stand up, be the leader, command people, and be confident with yourself.

Sex Drive & Performance

• Prolactin: Low levels of prolactin create a higher sex drive for men. Supplementing vitamin B6 and Vitamin E can help with this.

• Pharmecuetical drugs: pharmaceutical drug cabagoline has bad side effects.

• Aphrodisiacs: There is something about female pheromones.

• Cologne: He doesn't wear cologne and women love his natural smell.

• T-shirt study: Women found a man's scent more attractive when they had different immune systems. It says that a man's scent can attract a woman for healthy kids.

• Birth Control Downsides: Argues that birth control negatively impacts mate selection, leading women to choose partners they may not be biologically compatible with. He is anti-birth control. They end up getting divorces and breaking families apart.

• Porn Industry: A lot of people in the porn industry are on birth control.

• Cycle Tracking: Tracking a woman's cycle is effective for getting someone pregnant.

• Size: Dudes think a big thing is length but women think a big thing is girth.

• Devices: Keeull's help with this, Jelking can help with it. Uh pumping can help with it. Increase the size of it and you will actually increase the shaft. It gets you the maximum length you can possibly get.

• Ideal size: 8 inches in length and 6 and a half inches girth.

• Fat pad: Getting in better shape, you'll be able to get your peen in the area better.

• Self-Improvement: Penis size is about changing the body, and then you can change all aspects of your life. If you can get this skill set, then you can get the other skill set.

• Biggest Lie about Sex: Women just know sex and they can just have it is not true. This idea about women and they respond about the same is not true.

Learning to be Good in Bed

• Skill-Based Approach: Sex is a skill to be learned, just like riding a bicycle.

• Game: There has to be a point where you are just doing this for the hell of it rather than making it all about that other person. You're supposed to enjoy it too.

• Skill sets: After a couple times, you should show up with your A-game.

• Lusting: That has to do with the power that the man gives off. If you really know to Rock a woman's world, it turns around the dynamic completely. It can become rewarding for them.

• High skill: This has to deal with patience and care from the man. The man must be able to switch off his brain for the woman.

• Autistically obsessed: His obsession with sex caused his ability to teach.

Sex & Morality

• Energy exchange: Men and women go through an energy exchange.

• Novelty: The novelty will wear off faster after you've had sex with many women.

• Christianity: The act of having sex with many women is not in line with Christianity.

• Sleeping Around: Certain men need more experiences to figure out women. There is truth to having people who experiment with a hundred people.

• Egalitarian notion: You have to discard the programming for these men.

• Men's side: There has to be a focus of stopping guys from hurting themselves.

• Toxic: Men expect women to be a certain way when they are really not.

Erectile Dysfunction & Premature Ejaculation

• Porn-Induced ED: Younger men are experiencing porn-induced erectile dysfunction due to overstimulation of dopamine receptors.

• Blood Flow: Older men are having this more with bad blood flow.

• Testosterone: Make sure to get DHT, the confidence molecule, because it calms down your anxiety.

• Glutamate: Cut junk food and fast food.

• Performance Anxiety: Many guys are mistaking performance anxiety with the inability to rise to the occasion. ED starts in the brain. Viagra does not give you more arousal. You have to actually have stimulation. If you're anxious, then you are in fight or flight.

• Premature Ejaculation: Premature ejaculation is from performance anxiety.

• Linesthetic: Guys are athletes, classical actors, etc.

Personal Qualities & Advice

• Justin Waller: The most impressive person he's ever met.

• Best advice ever received: Think about money as compressed time. Start solving problems, saving time, etc.

• Sex advice: Flip the dynamic on its head, where she views sex at more of a reward for her.

• Advice for women: Enthusiasm is sexy.