[@TheDiaryOfACEO] Evy Poumpouras: Stop Letting Fear & Emotions Control You! (Secret Service Agent Tricks)

Link: https://youtu.be/DazRYdqZRDI

Short Summary

In this YouTube video, the speaker, Evie, a former Secret Service agent, shares insights on cultivating a professional identity, developing emotional self-regulation, and mastering communication skills to achieve goals and influence others. She emphasizes the importance of maintaining a steady mindset, delegating effectively, and minimizing distractions to enhance decision-making and avoid being dragged down by negative influences or a victim mindset. The speaker also cautions against trying to fundamentally change others and stresses the importance of accepting reality, building a supportive circle, and developing self-confidence through decisive action and a clear understanding of one's capabilities.

Key Quotes

Here are 5 direct quotes that capture valuable insights from the transcript:

1. "When you tell people it's not your fault this happened to you and it's okay that you're this way, which it is, I think people don't want to stay there anymore...That translates to I have no power over it. I'm a result of what's happened to me. And that's a powerless state to be, which all it does is keep suppressing you down." - This speaks to the limitations of solely focusing on past traumas and the importance of empowering individuals to move forward.

2. "If everything's the problem right now, if you get that persona, which it does exist. It's it's you get them. That person doesn't want a solution...They want me to validate how they feel." - This highlights the difference between seeking genuine help and merely wanting validation for a negative self-perception.

3. "Your brain is like a bathtub. The bathtub can only hold so much water. If you keep putting water in the bathtub, right, it's going to overflow. That's your cognitive load...What can I do less of so I can be exceptional at the other things I do?" - This analogy emphasizes the importance of managing cognitive load and prioritizing tasks for optimal performance.

4. "Unless you accept, you can't adapt...What you're doing is you're not living in truth. You're living in what I hope he would be, what he has a potential to be, but not where he actually is now." - This highlights the crucial step of accepting reality before attempting to improve or adapt to a situation, especially in relationships.

5. "Don't bring your authentic self to work. I don't want your authentic self to work. I want your professional self...Your authentic self is about who? Me, me, me, me, me." - This challenges the popular notion of bringing one's "authentic self" to work, arguing that professionalism and team contribution should take precedence.

Detailed Summary

Okay, here's a detailed summary of the YouTube video transcript, broken down into bullet points:

I. Introduction & Core Philosophy

• Rejecting the "Authentic Self" at Work: The video opens by challenging the popular notion of bringing one's "authentic self" to the workplace. The speaker believes that a "professional self," focused on value, respect, empathy, and competence, is more suitable.
• Authentic vs. Genuine: The "authentic self" is characterized as self-centered ("me, me, me"), while the "genuine self" prioritizes the mission, team, and contributing value.
• Self-Regulation of Emotions: The speaker emphasizes the importance of self-regulation of emotions, drawing on her experience with former SEALs and Secret Service agents. It's possible to learn emotional control.
• Control is Key: People are drawn to her message because they're tired of being told they have no control over outcomes or relationships.

II. Evie Porus's Background & Experience

• Former Secret Service Agent: The speaker, Evie Porus, is identified as a former US Secret Service agent who guarded presidents.
• Expertise in Communication and Reading People: She has experience in communication, reading people, and building confidence, gained from observing confident individuals.
• Caution Regarding Negative Influences: Stresses the importance of surrounding yourself with positive influences. Be careful who you try to save because some people will drown you.
• Delegation and Cognitive Load: Confident people, like presidents, are good at delegating and don't need to know everything. This keeps your cognitive load light.

III. Cognitive Load and Decision-Making

• The Bathtub Analogy: The brain is likened to a bathtub; it can only hold so much water (information). Overloading it leads to inefficiency, stress, and poor decisions.
• Prioritization and Efficiency: Good leaders take things "out of the bathtub," focusing on doing fewer things exceptionally well.
• Decision Fatigue: Overthinking and overanalyzing contribute to cognitive overload.

IV. The Trap of Past Diagnoses

• Using the Past as a Crutch: Diagnosing current behavior based on past events can be a short-term friend but a long-term enemy. It reinforces unwanted behavior.
• Why Psychoanalyze?: Questioning the need to constantly analyze the reasons behind everything we do. Sometimes there's no clear reason or something is unchangeable.
• Taking Ownership: Instead of dwelling on the past, focus on "where do we go from here?".

V. The Persona of "Everything is Bad"

• Seeking Validation Instead of Solutions: Some people, constantly finding problems, don't want solutions. They seek validation and sympathy.
• Attention-Seeking Behavior: Sometimes bad things happen to us and we get attention as a result which can become addictive and we will look for other things to get that empathy, sympathy, attention.
• Awareness and Boundaries: Be aware of "full bathtub" people who consistently complain, and don't give unsolicited advice.

VI. Perpetrator Identity

• Clinging to a Problem: People can develop their identity around a past trauma and continue seeking out problems even when the original issue is resolved. "If you're looking for a problem, you will always find one."
• Secondary Gain: There's often a secondary gain (attention, safety, identity, money) from pain that people can become addicted to.
• Enabling Relationship: Two people can be trapped in enabling relationship. Example of the mother who is propping her child up which creates an abusive and unhealthy relationship where the mom and child are getting the love and affection.
• Acceptance vs. Participation: You can accept people as they are without participating in their harmful behaviors.

VII. Accepting People as They Are

• The Iceberg Analogy: People are like icebergs; we only see the top, but there's a massive, unseen portion representing their experiences, values, and personality. It's hard to fundamentally change someone.
• Adaptability vs. Changing Others: Trying to change someone who doesn't want to change is futile. The key is to adapt to the truth of the situation.
• Living in Truth: Accept the problem you have and be adaptable to that. What am I dealing with right now? How I wish it could be is wrong.

VIII. Trying to Change People

• Respecting Choices: People have the right to live their lives as they choose, even if you don't agree with their choices.
• Arrogance of Imposition: It's narcissistic to think you can or should change someone else.
• The Terrorist Interrogation: Didn't try to change the narrative or make you believe anything instead I was just trying to get the information to thwart anything bad from happening.
• Anger and Impose: The more that you try to change someone, the angrier that they become with you because they don't want you too.

IX. Confidence

• How I Felt About Confidence - When I was younger around 20 years old I wasn't confident because every girl that I was interested in rejected me. Then in my mid 20's everything changed when I was like I was of high value.
• Example Of How I Thought I Was Confident Wasn't Effective - Example of a friend dating someone and he asked her do you want to have kids? And she said I don't know. He got insecure from it. I was like I didn't even care if my gf wanted to have kids because she was still in a trial dating.
• Real Confidence is Valuing Yourself: Is when you do things that you convince yourself that you're someone worth respecting.
• Tests in Relationships - Women are testing to see if you are those guys that are trying to restrict or control them. Show that the other person always knows they have a choice in what they want to do and where they want to be.
• Fear Based Decisions: When you are insecure and things are fear-based it's not a great place to be because that energy repels people. Your ability to regulate your emotions is lacking.
• Hot Headed Growing Up - My ability to self-regulate my emotions were very poor because I was very hot headed. Had to learn and I did in the NYPD. Around other highly regulated people.
• What It Means to Be A Self Regulator - Your ability to regulate your emotions and your ability to tell the other emotions to keep it quiet.

X. Authentic Self

• Being a Different Person at Home - People want you to be a different person at home and to have high performers in any sector you have to leave your "authentic" self because that creates sloppiness. You come to work with your respectful, empathetic and competent self.
• It's About The Collective - Genuine self knows that the work isn't about you and that it's about the collective team.
• Authenticity is Not Phony - When you show up to work and bring value to the whole team then there is something about that.

XI. Building Trust and Honesty

• Do Things to Gain Trust - If you don't listen and try to be honest then you create the wrong communication. You want people to come to you and give you bad news and what's going wrong because it gives you more intelligence in the workplace.
• Ask To Figure It Out Instead of Guessing - Don't guess where people are in head space ask them something I said upsetting to you or what is it that you are worried about?
• Its Always About Me - Everything is what's happening to me instead of also affecting other people's lives and making their work environment more taxing. What am I contributing?

XII. Reading Behavior

• Empathy - Just trying to understand where you are and how you feel and seeing how people reveal.

XIII. Differences Between Male and Female Brains

• Physiological Differences - Women can smell the hormones on men because they are more sensitive.
• Discernment - Women's brains activated a little bit more and tend to think about something more.
• Male and Women Cops - Women have less complaints against them because they tend to think because they're better communicators.

XIV. Confidence Building

• Surrounding yourself with the right people - Steady people that don't talk about being confident. A good circle around you and not being around insecure people because those insecurities bleed on you. The most confident person in the room isn't a good thing.
• Decision Makers - Used to making a decisions whether right or wrong believing in yourself and trusting in yourself that makes people confident.

XV. Ignorance Was Useful

• Make It Happen - Don't stop and think about it too much. What am I doing to try to make this happen? Just putting one foot in front of each other.
• Let It Go - In hindsight you start to understand. Procrastination is the avoidance of physiological discomfort. If I was fully informed then it would have been so demotivating.
• Little Steps - Just make it to that tree. Then that mailbox and then that tree. Then just focusing on what is right in front of me.
• Focus on the Action - Remove all of the emotion. Do things that make yourself more present and focused.
• The First Step to Change - Most of the time is embarrassingly and shamefully small that people don't want to do it. 10 cm.

XVI. The Making of Decisions

• Delegation - Have people that are around you who know a lot of things more than you and you are informed on the situation. The presidents that she worked under read a lot and worked very hard.
• People With Time to Think - Presidents would split time to go to the places they have in their roots to be away from people. Meditation practices.
• The Body and The Mind - Building your body into the mind and working out to feel better.

XVII. High Level Questions

• Analyzing Yourself is a Waste of Time - The four main things you feel with no confidence - physical body, mind self-doubt, emotions and insecurity and behavior.
• Owning Your Voice - People listen to what you have to say when you own your voice. That includes tones, authority and not being concerned about doing the wrong thing. But your intentions are right and genuine. Not authentic.
• Give Them Time to Absorb - Giving people time to absorb what you have to say. Command your voice.
• Hands - Always have your hands out. Always be open so that people can trust you. Not hiding to seem trustworthy.

XVIII. Giving a Message

• Great Speakers Promise - To give them the answer, always give a promise or a curiosity gap. I want to see the answer. Also, the more the speaker knows or experts the more they don't care. So you got to see and tell them.
• Understanding Speech - Meeting people where they were from and connecting on different communication levels.
• Write at an 8th Grade Level - Not to tire people out or use all of their brain power. So that the reader can absorb all of the information and not be too confused. The more we speak and use a lot of words and we don't get to the point we are seen as less trustworthy.

XIX. Bad Employees

• Drawing Bad People That Work With You - Usually the interviews process are too much about the podcast or about you and not enough on the job you're trying to fulfill.
• Things the Interviewer is Thinking of The Employee - Oh, I think it'd be really interesting challenge. I want to see if I can do it or you want to serve my country, I want to help protect people and I want to do something bigger than me.
• Don't Go For Just Labels - Also go for the thing or the work with the person that you can do everything.
• The Patronizing Advice - We don't want to look at as is that a good thing? Not to be a bad person. The job you came from that was law. Also people would shout at you and say a lot of the worst things.
• When People Test You - If people are testing you you have to test them and then it will end with them just not being around.

XX. The Low Vibration Circle

• Your People Have a Heavy Influence - Don't let it ruin everything. But if you are surrounded by those, you are going to be like them.

XXI. People are Not Well

• No Mental Health Checks - People are going after other people because they have different opinions. But that means then people have a bigger chance of hurting or attacking these people.

XXII. The Internet Is Not the Real World

• Being in an Algorithm - You are in the things you like, so if you like things on the border it will always just show you that. If there are no safety, no family, what are you protecting.

XXIII. Shootings

• Mass shootings all have mental issues, and they always can gain access to weapons -

XXIV. Not Safe

• President, politicians and very known people - Most of the time those get protection it is most important. But the everyday person would not be and is not as safe and can be in danger.

XXV. Wrap Up

• What's Most Important to Take Away - Everyone is extremely capable, and it is your choice to do so. Like you said before we recorded and I said it in the beginning of the podcast and to reiterate and in conclusion we are not that special.

This summary captures the key themes and specific examples used throughout the video transcript. It should provide a comprehensive understanding of the speaker's perspective.