[@hubermanlab] How to Speak Clearly & With Confidence | Matt Abrahams

Link: https://youtu.be/ZtTUfMHuioA

Short Summary

Matt Abrahams, a communication expert, shares insights on improving communication in various contexts, emphasizing connection and authenticity over memorization. He stresses the importance of leading with curiosity and questions, allowing others to speak, and understanding the audience to tailor communication effectively. He also recommends avoiding pre-apologies, practicing breathwork to manage anxiety, and adopting practical exercises like improv to enhance spontaneous speaking skills.

Key Quotes

Here are five quotes extracted from the transcript that represent valuable insights:

1. "The reason memorizing is so bad is it burdens your cognitive load. You've created the right way to say it and you're constantly comparing what you wanted to say to what you're actually saying."
2. "I coach my students, the the the folks I work with in the corporate world that what's really important is connection. So, if you can show that you have some value to bring by getting people engaged with your topic and showing that there is relevance and salience for them, that's all that really matters."
3. "I think it comes down to really understanding what's important to you and what you stand for and coming from that place. So what does that mean? That means when you're talking about anything on a big stage or in a one-on-one interaction, understanding where the value is for you and then articulating that in as clear a way as possible."
4. "That's an exercise that I use uh for for two reasons. I use it to show that we have a tremendous amount of judgment that we make when we communicate...The other thing that I use it for is to help elucidate how we heruristically think in these challenging situations."
5. "You do that every week. every day. Every day I have a journal. I write down one or two things that I thought went well and one or two things I did thought didn't go well. And then I pick one on the Sunday. I review them and it it has helped me."

Detailed Summary

Here's a detailed summary of the YouTube video transcript, organized by key topics and presented in bullet points:

I. Introduction & Overview:

• Podcast Focus: The Huberman Lab podcast explores science and science-based tools for everyday life.
• Guest: Matt Abrahams, a communication expert from Stanford Graduate School of Business.
• Topic: How to become a better communicator across various settings (public speaking, one-on-one, spontaneous interactions).
• Key Elements of Communication: The video emphasizes that both what you say (content, logic) and how you say it (confidence, body language, voice) are critical for effective communication. It's about crafting meaningful messages and delivering them in a connected and engaging way.
• Authenticity & Value: Abrahams stresses the importance of communicating authentically, which stems from understanding your own values and beliefs and connecting those with the audience's needs.

II. Fear of Public Speaking:

• Evolutionary Basis: Fear of public speaking is rooted in an evolutionary fear of jeopardizing social status (access to resources, etc.). This heightened sensitivity to actions that put our status at risk.
• Risk Assessment: Both speaking in front of large crowds and having a challenging conversation with your boss share the risk of jeopardizing your social standing.

III. Building Credibility & Connection:

• Connection over Credentials: Focus on engaging the audience and demonstrating relevance before listing credentials.
• Action Movie Analogy: Start with action (provocative statement, question, interesting statistics) rather than just listing credentials.
• Two Types of Credibility:
  • Career/College Credibility: LinkedIn profile, resume.
  • "Costco Credibility": Free samples - demonstrating value through questions, engagement, and relevance.

IV. Authenticity in Communication:

• Introspection First: Understanding what's important to you and what you stand for. Then, converting that into something meaningful for the audience.
• Being Present, Not Judging: Effective communication requires being present and connected, not constantly monitoring your performance and others' perceptions.

V. Exercises and Techniques for Better Communication:

• Disrupting Judgment: Point at objects and call them something they are not (e.g., point at a ceiling and say "car"). This helps disrupt internal judgment and evaluation.
• Cloud Gazing: Observing clouds and narrating what they resemble can be a fun way to free oneself from judgment.
• "Prepare to be Spontaneous": Like athletes, practice drills to respond appropriately in the moment.
• Mindset: Get out of your own way. See what happens in the moment.

VI. The Importance of Structure:

• Logical Connection: Structure is a logical connection of ideas that makes information easier to process.
• Problem, Solution, Benefit: Common structure used in advertising.
• Beginning, Middle, End: Story structure works well.
• What? So What? Now What?: Effective for explaining information - what you want someone to do, why it matters, and next steps.
• Death of Bullet Points: Avoid listing items without a logical connection of ideas.

VII. Visual Aids and Teaching:

• Appropriate Detail: Sparser representation of key elements is better than too much detailed information (drinking from a firehose) or over-simplified "ball and stick" models.
• Audience Understanding: Craft messages based on what the audience needs to understand, not just what you want to say.
• The "F-Word": The "F-word" in communications is fidelity. It's about transmitting ideas that are accurate and have clarity.
• Reconnaissance and Research: Do reconnaissance, reflection and research to best craft the message.
• One Message for Multiple Audiences: Often done but incorrect.

VIII. Tools and Practices for Improvement:

• Digital Recording and Review: Record presentations and watch/listen 3 times: audio only, video only, both together.
• Repetition, Reflection, Feedback: Practice, reflect on what went well and didn't, and seek honest feedback from trusted sources.
• The Daily/Weekly Communications Journal: Write down what went well and what didn't go well in your communication that day.
• The Selective Filter for Feedback: Don't take all the feedback.
• Observe Others: Learn from the communication styles of people in different fields.
• Physicality: Allowing oneself to physically move, to walk, to pace, to gesticulate, helps dispel some of that energy.
• Purposeful Movement: Move during transitions, stand still during key points.

IX. Audience Engagement and Interaction:

• Breaking the Cadence: Interrupt predictable speech patterns to re-engage the audience (e.g., asking for a body part and relating it to neuroscience).
• Taking Polls and Partnerships: Virtual tools to encourage immediate response.
• Questions: Ask and give space for people to respond.

X. Dealing with "Blanking Out" and Mistakes:

• Avoid Memorization: Memorizing increases the likelihood of blanking out.
• The Rationalization Plan: You're more likely to succeed than to fail.
• Retrace Your Steps: Repeat what you just said.
• Distract the Audience: Ask a question to buy yourself time.
• Keep the flow going: Don't draw attention to what has occurred.

XI. The Voice:

• The Benefits of Breaths: Deep and long breaths can improve confidence and reduce anxiety.
• The Voice and The Chest: When nervous or anxious our voices rise into our heads.
• Long Exhale - Emphasis: Calming the body with a long exhale (even if not a physiological sigh) - offloads carbon dioxide and activates the vagus nerve.

XII. Spontaneity and Improvisation:

• Benefits of Improvisation: Improvisation increases confidence. It also creates familiarity with taking topics.
• Getting Comfortable with Discomfort: Learn from being in spontaneous moments that are uncomfortable.

XIII. Storytelling and Communication Styles:

• Linearity vs. Non-Linearity: Linear approach is good for education, while a more meandering approach can be engaging.
• Tour Guide Analogy: Good speakers are like tour guides: setting expectations, guiding through the material.
• Share or Close Up?: Find out if people are comfortable sharing intimate knowledge about a object
• What, So What, Now What: Help someone tell about themselves. Tell about an object but tell about another object they thought about bringing.

XIV. Importance of Being Personable:

• Lead with Curiosity: Asking genuine questions can lead to a rewarding discovery.
• Use "Tell me more": Create more dialogue and allow the other person to share what's on their mind and what is important to them.

XV. The Neurodiverse Audience:

• Diversity and Communication: Make sure to account for and be respectful of all members of an audience (Neurotypical versus Neuroatypical).

XVI. Beta Blockers:

• Beta Blockers Not Recommended: Better to use cognitive behavior ways of managing anxiety.

XVII. Getting Better Sleep and a "Lousy Sleep":

• Prepare Your Sleep: Always pull the plug on your alarm clock and turn your phone on Airplane mode.
• The NSDR (Non-Sleep Deep Rest): Yoga Nidra and NSDR will help you relax and improve autonomic arousal.
• The Eye Exercise: Close your eyes and rotate them, and you will move them into a state that will fall asleep.

XVIII. Damage Control:

• Spilled water into his laptop: Showed a great level of composure.

This bullet-point summary captures the core ideas, arguments, and advice from the video transcript, providing a comprehensive overview of the key takeaways.