[@jackneel] Dating Expert: Modern Women Are BEGGING Men to Approach—Why Smart Guys Struggle

Link: https://youtu.be/p5wh5pO5Nyk

Short Summary

Number One Takeaway: Don't rely on initial sparks or chemistry on a first date. If the conversation was good and you found the person pleasant and interesting, give it a second date for chemistry to potentially grow.

Executive Summary: Blaine Anderson, a dating expert, emphasizes the importance of authentic self-marketing and pursuing, rather than chasing, potential partners. She encourages men to develop diverse interests, project confidence, and prioritize genuine connection over superficial markers of attraction, while also highlighting the value of a balanced and reciprocal approach to dating.

Key Quotes

Here are 5 direct quotes from the provided transcript that represent valuable insights or strong opinions:

1. "A lot of people go on a first date and they say like, "Oh, that person was really nice, but I just didn't feel the spark, so we just didn't have romantic chemistry." Screw the chemistry. Take the second date." (This challenges conventional dating wisdom and encourages giving people a chance beyond initial impressions.)

2. "Just being rich or just being tall or just being funny. Like any one of those things on their own probably isn't going to be enough for a woman to see you as boyfriend material." (This highlights the multifaceted nature of attraction and the need to offer more than superficial qualities.)

3. "Guys literally aren't approaching women. So when it does happen, it's like, "Wow, like he's so confident." Like that's really cool. So you're you do have the ability to stand out. If you just do that one thing well, you stand out." (This illustrates the potential advantage in in-person interactions as dating migrates online.)

4. "If you are marketing something that isn't actually there and you know you're selling snake oil, then that might work to get you on the date. It might work to even get you a second date, but it's not going to work to build lasting, meaningful relationships. So it's really taking what you have... and that's how you talk about yourself how you come across to women and those are all very learnable skills" (Authenticity is the key to making marketing yourself work.)

5. "One of the most surprising things is how really smart guys can often do the worst with women. So, intelligent guys do worse with women." (This counterintuitive observation suggests that intelligence or success in other areas doesn't automatically translate to dating success and may even be a hindrance.)

Detailed Summary

Okay, here's a detailed summary of the video transcript using bullet points, excluding sponsor announcements:

Key Topics & Arguments

• The Evolution of Modern Dating:

  • Dating has significantly changed in the last 2-20 years, shifting from almost exclusively in-person to largely online.
  • The pandemic accelerated the adoption of online dating due to convenience and isolation.
  • A potential pendulum swing back to in-person interactions is occurring, with people seeking more real-life connections and becoming frustrated with solely online dynamics.

• Online vs. Offline Dating:

  • Online dating encompasses dating apps, Instagram, TikTok, and other social platforms.
  • The increased convenience of online interaction may reduce opportunities for face-to-face communication and social skills development.
  • Taking the initiative to approach women in public spaces has become easier because it is uncommon.

• Authentic Marketing vs. Selling a Lie:

  • Dating coaching should focus on authentically marketing oneself.
  • Presenting a false image or personality is unsustainable for long-term relationships.
  • Improve and market existing qualities.

• The Importance of Hobbies:

  • Hobbies are not just for personal enjoyment; they provide conversation topics and opportunities for connection.
  • Hobbies that promote personal well-being (confidence), enable meeting people (especially women), and are inherently attractive are all valuable.
  • Hobbies make you more dynamic.

• Attractive Hobbies for Men:

  • Hobbies fall into three categories: those for personal enjoyment, those where you might meet women, and those that are attractive to women.
  • Examples of potential hobbies include: pickleball, paddle, yoga, jiu-jitsu, rock climbing, travel, collecting vintage wines.

• Smart/Successful Guys and Dating Challenges:

  • Intelligence and success can sometimes hinder dating life. Traits that enable work success (e.g., being super on top of things) can be unattractive in dating (e.g., appearing needy).
  • Overanalyzing interactions and text messages on dates can lead to anxious attachment style.

• Overinvestment vs. "Spinning Plates":

  • Overinvestment involves developing strong feelings and envisioning a future with someone after only a few dates.
  • Talking to multiple women and dating at the same time (early on) can prevent emotional overinvestment in one person. This also can lead to not seeming too available.

• "Nice Guys Finish Last" - Red Pill manosphere concept:

  • The concept isn't about being unkind, but about not being a doormat or lacking confidence.
  • Women are attracted to confident, assertive men who prioritize their own needs.
  • There's a point where you bend over backward for someone, but it's based on investment in you as well.

• Superficial Accessories:

  • A thoughtful watch can be an effective accessory, signaling style, interests, and punctuality.

• First Impressions and Posture:

  • Posture is crucial: standing tall with shoulders back exudes confidence.
  • Avoid being like the "Chad" stereotype: smile and make eye contact.

• Dating App Profiles:

  • High-quality photos are essential on dating apps: good lighting is necessary.
  • The bar is low when it comes to dating app profiles, a high quality photo will help you stand out.
  • Photos should be high quality (not blurry/poorly lit) and accurately represent you.

• Tinder Photos

  • Show what you look like. A high quality photo can do the trick.
  • Make sure your profile is high quality.
  • The photos are the most important thing about a profile.

• Common Dating Apps:

  • Hinge, Bumble, Tinder, Raya are frequently used, with the best platform depending on location.
  • Raya is a different client. Need to be able to nail dates.
  • Matchmakers aren't always useful for clients who can't seal the deal or close.
  • Need to have a good game.
  • Hinge/Bumble might have more intent to make actual relationships.

• Attraction vs. Pursuit:

  • Most men will need to pursue women actively to find a partner.
  • Men should still pursue women even if they naturally attract them.
  • Don't need to chase.

• Signals of Interest:

  • Green light: Repeated eye contact and smiles.
  • Yellow light: No eye contact but no avoidance.
  • Red light: Avoidance or turning away.
  • Approach in a respectful and confident way.
  • Men need to talk to women no matter if they are giving signs or not.

• Effective Compliments:

  • Compliment things she's chosen/done (outfit, style, knowledge) rather than inherent traits.
  • Tailor to the moment and escalating the physical connection.

• Hookup Culture vs. Meaningful Relationships:

  • The speaker's focus is on helping men build meaningful relationships and attract women based on who they are.
  • The hookup culture has not helped many and most are looking for a deeper connection.

• Respect and First Dates:

  • The fastest way to lose respect is to not respect yourself.
  • Lack of confidence or inability to set boundaries is unattractive.

• Essential First Date Talk Tracks:

  • Have prepared answers to common questions (e.g., where you're from, your job) that portray you positively.
  • Not an interview. Pull conversational thread.

• The "FORD Method" or Similar Conversation Strategies:

  • The presenter described their method of starting with the family, occupation, recreation, and dreams and then cycling through it.

• Who should be speaking more during the dates:

  • 70/30 keeping the woman talking 70% of the time or a 50/50 balance.
  • It's important to talk to a woman and get to the root of what actually excites them.

• What is important to women during the date:

  • Showing genuine interest and caring for others.
  • Making her feel a romantic or sexual connection.
  • That the guy is confident and passionate.

• Dating App Openers:

  • The best way to do this is to have a template opening line that is used for several different people.

• What should a man be:

  • That a requirement of somebody you pursue should be that they also are giving interest and giving you the effort in return.

• Don't double down

  • Moving on might give you the best shot of what could happen next.

• Why should you take a second date.

  • Get over chemistry
  • Give it a chance to grow.