[@ChrisWillx] “Demonising Men Is Not A Good Strategy” - Richard Reeves

Link: https://youtu.be/-IIntBok8zY

Duration: 12 min

Short Summary

A podcast discussion explores how the feminist movement is reconsidering its approach to men and boys, with leaders like Melinda French Gates supporting work that addresses male struggles as part of gender equality. The conversation examines the decline in teenage dating, attributing it to political polarization that sends young women messages about male-caused hardship and young men messages blaming feminists. A 56-year-old married father of three serves as the main interviewee, discussing mate value research, dating app critiques, and the philosophy that becoming a good husband matters more than choosing the right wife.

Key Quotes

1. "We should care about boys and men. I just end the sentence earlier than you." (00:00:17)
2. "It is much less about the wife you choose than it is about the husband you become." (00:00:57)
3. "they're being encouraged respectively to blame each other for their real problems. That is a colossal waste of political energy and not true." (00:00:37)
4. "that's not how we evolved" (00:00:56)

Detailed Summary

Gender Politics and Men's Issues

The episode opens with discussion of how the feminist movement is "slowly realizing" that demonizing men is not an effective strategy, with leaders increasingly acknowledging the need to address boys and men. Melinda French Gates is cited as supporting Gary Barker's work on gender equality, arguing it is not good for women and girls if boys and men are struggling. The American Institute for Boys and Men takes the position that they care about boys and men flourishing without conditioning that support on benefits to women or the economy.

Political Polarization and Young People

A key theme is how young women receive messages from the left that women's struggles are the fault of men and patriarchy, while young men receive messages from the right that their struggles are the fault of feminists and women. Dan Cox's research on the decline in dating among high school students and young adults frames this as a political polarization effect.

The Decline in Teenage and Young Adult Dating

The decrease in teenage dating is presented as concerning because it affects the development of relational skills and the ability to handle rejection gracefully. Socially sanctioned relationships through workplace or friend-of-friend introductions are suggested to be "more evolutionarily aligned" than algorithmically matched dating app connections.

Mate Value Research and Dating App Critiques

Paul Eastwick's book "Bonded by Evolution" argues that mate value does not exist after initial meetings and that revealed preferences flatten mating dynamics. A disagreement emerges about whether mate value flattens entirely after multiple meetings—the guest reads the argument as mate value becoming "more complicated" but not flattening completely. The discussion critiques dating app marketplace models for focusing on short-term mating and "cashing out" at matching rather than the decades-long evolution of relationships. The conversation references Kurt Vonnegut's "Harrison Bergeron" as a satirical allegory for forced equality.

Relationship Advice and Personal Philosophy

Shia Hamid challenged the speaker with "Are you telling me to settle?" when discussing marriage. The speaker responded that luck matters but "it is much less about the wife you choose than it is about the husband you become." The guest is a 56-year-old man who has been married for most of his adult life and has three sons in their 20s.

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